Month: December 2017

Why the Most Important Relationship is the One with Yourself

Starting my business, Heal ThySELF DVM, has been a journey for me for many years, all my life you could say. And the amazing thing is that every time I try something new – a webinar, a blog, a facebook presence, a weekend retreat, etc. – I get more and more clear about what motivates me and what my message is.

Why did I create this business? My why is that I want all of my colleagues to be happy, healthy and fulfilled. I want you to  have fun as a veterinarian and enjoy your life outside of veterinary medicine to the fullest.

My message is that the most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves. When that is healthy and grounded we can achieve anything we want. When that relationship is filled with beliefs of doubt, unworthiness and a lack of self love, we will be adrift in the seas controlled by others.

We are only able to control and change ourselves. The way we orient ourselves to feeling better is by monitoring our thoughts. Our thoughts create our emotions and our emotional wellbeing is everything.

My invitation to you is to join me in creating a world where we are happy and fulfilled in our careers. I want each of my colleagues to be able to live the lives that you want.

Let’s start by realizing that what you tell yourself about yourself and the world is what you will live. The quiet whisperings, the outright rants, the thoughts that follow you home and keep you up at night are not true.  They are lies. The reason you know they are lies is because they make you feel bad. You are a part of the divine, something bigger than this physical body you inhabit. Let’s start being aware that thoughts that make you feel bad are an indication that it is not true for you. I have tools and techniques that can bring this awareness to you and allow you to live the life that you wish.

Today, I encourage you to commit to noticing what you are telling yourself about yourself as you move through the day. Are you blaming and shaming yourself? Are you doubting yourself? Are you angry at yourself? Are you feeling stupid and unworthy? If so, then I am glad you are on this journey with me. Let’s repair the relationship you have with yourself first, and as we do that, your relationship with your clients and co-workers will improve as well.  

I would love to talk with you and hear your dreams for your life. Let’s create the thoughts and emotions that will allow you to achieve your dreams. Pick a time convenient for you at https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm and take the first step to the rest of your life.  

How Can Roller Coasters Mirror Life?

I love riding roller coasters.  I feel so alive on them and that feeling continues throughout the day.  The thrill and anticipation of the uphills, the drama and unknown of the falls, the twists and turns that are unexpected.  Kinda sounds a bit like life, eh?

My life coach, Jana Kellam, reminded me of this idea the other day and I wanted to share it with you.  We all experience times when it seems that fantastic highs are followed by crushing lows.  We get depressed and exhausted dealing with this roller coaster of life.  

But what if we could embrace the lows as much as we do the highs?  What if we saw the lows as a chance to get clear on what we are wanting more of in life (the highs) and sought out ways to get them.  What if the lows signal a chance to explore new ways of thinking or acting to allow ourselves to return to a more neutral state?  What if the lows are the only way we can appreciate the highs?

What if Roller Coasters never went down?

We have all heard that all we as veterinarians do all day is snuggle puppies and kittens?  We generally respond “wouldn’t that be nice?”  But would it?  Wouldn’t doing that all day every day get boring?  I submit to you that the only way to recognize and appreciate the happy things in life is to experience some less than happy things.  It is the contrast in life that is exhilarating and allows for our growth.

If we embrace the lows as a way to grow and learn about ourselves we can level them out a bit or stay in them for less time, but experiencing them is always going to happen.

So experience life like the roller coaster it is and allow yourself to look for the hidden gems in the lows as well as milk the highs for every last drop of deliciousness!

How to Diffuse Your Anger by Doing the Best You Can

I see a lot of my colleagues dealing with anger issues – anger at themselves, the clients, the staff, the world.  But is anger the real issue or is there a deeper, even yuckier feeling emotion that anger is covering for?

First, a little background discussion about emotions.  We have typically labeled emotions as good or bad, but I believe all emotions are good. They point us in the directions we want to go.  When we feel sad it is an invitation to find thoughts that feel better to move toward contentment, or hopefulness, for example.   

Anger is an emotion that feels better than hopelessness or sadness.  Anger has movement to it — we are often physically agitated, we use our breath and voices more, our hearts beat faster — all forms of movement. Movement usually feels better than stasis – hopelessness or overwhelm; where you want to be still and curled up in a ball.  

The question to ask yourself is: WHY am I angry?  And the answer cannot be based on someone else’s actions or words.  What the person did or said is not important, the important thing is how it made you feel and WHY.  Let’s look at a possible scenario:

Client comes in with a sick dog.  Not life threatening but definitely in need of medical assistance.  You make recommendations. Client declines all, just wants a shot of antibiotic for the dog.  You get increasingly angry at their refusal to do anything else.

Why are you angry?  What is the underlying belief that you have that is causing you to get angry?

Are you angry because in declining, they imply you don’t have the right answers?  You believe you are an imposter or a liar.  

Are you angry because you believe that their declining of your recommendations shows that you lack the ability to communicate effectively? You are a failure.  

Are you angry because you feel the animal is helpless and you are their only hope? You are helpless.

We can see from these possibilities that anger is often the outward expression of denying other lower emotions or beliefs – helplessness, failure, incompetence, sadness, frustration.

If you can name the underlying reason why you are angry, then it is possible to play with it and diffuse it by changing your thoughts.  This can be done in the safety of your home so that you can be a little more prepared the next time anger wells up inside of you.

There are many ways to let go of the underlying beliefs and we will explore them in the coming weeks.  

Today I want you to play with the idea that you always do your best.  That statement is simple, you say. Of course I always do my best!  But how often do you beat yourself up for not knowing something, or having an animal die unexpectedly, or believing you missed something on an exam?  We do it all the time.  But if we truly believe that we always do our best, then there is no reason for beating ourselves up.  

That negative self talk has no place in our brain.  You always do your best. Yes, you cannot know everything.  Yes, mother nature sometimes has her own plans.  Yes, you may have missed something on an exam, but it doesn’t mean you didn’t do your best.  It means you are human.  And it means there is always more to learn.  That’s it.  In every situation there is always more to learn-even when the outcomes are terrific and defy the odds-there is something to learn.

And, let’s flip that statement around to the staff, the clients, the public.  Everyone always does their best!  The place that understanding and compassion comes from is realizing that their best is not necessarily in line with what you would do.  And that is ok.  It is their best.  There is no reflection whatsoever on you. You did your best – examining, diagnosing, creating the treatment plan, doing the surgery, etc.  There is no reflection on you no matter what they chose to do and no matter the outcome. If you believe that you did your best then there can be no judgments and no negative self talk.

So, one way to diffuse the anger is to adopt the belief that you always do your best. I give you permission to say this!  Give yourself permission as well. The outcome is not in your hands. There is nothing else that can be asked of you but to do your best.  Learn, grow, explore yes, but no beating up on yourself.  

You are a rockstar bad ass veterinarian and you always do your best.

There are Two Sides to Every Coin

There are 2 sides to every coin.  There are at least 2 sides to every story.

 What I want to share with you today is an idea, that might raise some resistance in you at first, but just sit with it and see if it makes sense in the long run.

My goal in my day is to always look for the thoughts that allow me to feel better.  In all the situations I deal with in a day, I try and find a way of looking at them that allows me to transcend the yucky, depleting emotions. I try and find a perspective that allows me to stay grounded and centered, feeling good.  So here is a thought for this week for you to play with:

Your perspective is not the only one.


There, that’s the ground shattering truth.  

Your perspective is not the only one.

What if that client that is declining the blood work truly does love her dog?
What if she has no money to spare?
What if she wants to do more, but is afraid you will find a cancer and she is battling it herself and cannot bear to think her dog has it as well?
What if she just buried her husband a year ago and is unable to face the fact that she may have to bury her dog as well?
What if she is in debt by tens of thousands of dollars and is embarrassed that she will be declined by Care Credit?
What if she is being abused by her daughter and feels helpless to make any decisions?

What if, what if, what if…

What if you decide she is just being stupid, uncaring or mean to the pet? What if you shower her, even unconsciously, with your feelings of anger and judgement?  How would that feel to her?   Might she respond with words of anger and accusations?  Might she cause a scene in your lobby out of frustration and fear for her dog?

Could all of that energy that is being focused by you on her unwillingness to do the blood work be used in a better way?  Perhaps to silently send her love and understanding, not knowing why she won’t do the blood work but respecting her rights.  Perhaps ask her gently and softly why, and then give her the time and space to get the courage to tell you.  How about energetically allowing her the dignity to make her decision and not feel judged or demeaned for it.

We have so much power in our hands.  We are the Doctor! (shout out to Dr Who fans!)  We are the authority, but we cannot possibly know why people make the decisions they make.  

Your perspective is not the only one.  Everyone involved in that pet’s care has an opinion on what should be done and why.  And often, those choices are steeped in our culture and our upbringing.

The next time you are faced with someone not agreeing to your treatment plan, or getting angry with you over a diagnosis, take a moment to consider that they are scared, really really scared of something they are not telling you. Allow them to make the decision that is right for them.  Know that you can do your job perfectly and still have them decline your recommendations.

There are always 2 sides to the coin.  Yours and theirs.  Allow for the possibility that your perspective is not the only one.  You are not responsible for their decisions. Your life will be better for practicing this belief.  

Next week we’ll look at how to diffuse your anger and frustrations in this kind of situation.