January 2019 – Heal ThySELF DVM

Captain to the Bridge!

Oh, be still my beating heart!

Ok, I admit it. I am a Star Trek geek. Captain James T Kirk (yes, I know the T stands for Tiberius) was my first crush. I want a tribble. I want to taste Saurian brandy and I want Scottie to beam me up (notice the present tense!).

Looking back on it we know that there are some things wrong with that 60’s TV show, but it did have some good ideas. And one of them is that the Captain is always in charge of where the ship goes and YOU, my friends, are the Captain of Your Ship!

I know I have been adrift in life at times. Frustrated, depressed and angry at how my life was going. I was able to point out easily what others’ needed to do to make me happy and how the world was treating me unkindly. I could tell clients where they were wrong; I could see how staff could be better at work; I could get angry at loved ones for not doing things right.

Overcoming frustration, sadness and anger can be as easy, or difficult, as changing your mind. That’s right. You have to change your mind and then the magic happens. Suddenly you will wake up to loving words from your family, seemingly more efficient co-workers, and joy in every aspect of your life.

You are perfectly placed in this world at this time. You are uniquely designed for this life, the one you have right now, AND you are meant to be happy, successful and loved.

Clients don’t make you mad, YOU do. Loved ones don’t disappoint you, YOU disappoint yourself. Being angry at someone is like drinking poison and expecting another person to die.

You are the Captain of your ship! You are in control of the direction of your life. Take control of the helm by examining your thoughts and emotions. Point them in the right direction and you will be headed to your coveted destination. Allow them to continually dwell in negativity, blame and shame and you will not get what you deeply desire from life.

Clients do not change, but your energetic dance with them does once you are no longer unconsciously judgemental, defensive and angry.

Your co-workers do not change, but your relationship with them will, once you see them in their glory and competence.

Your loved ones feel your sadness and disconnection. We so often put up walls or leave everything at the office, that our loved ones get used to having ½ of us. Once you are able to bring the best part of you home at night…..well, that is a game changer.

You are in charge of your life – only you can create the life you want with all the things that make you happy and less of the things that frustrate you.

It can be easy, it just takes persistence and awareness. I love examining the thoughts that cause me frustration or anger and asking if they are really true or could I feel better by believing something else?

You have the ability to take any belief that causes you pain (they don’t love me, they don’t believe in me, I am an imposter, I am always going to be miserable, I am a doctor and this is the life I signed up for) and transform it into a more comfortable and eventually an uplifting thought.

I’ve been on the other side for much of my career until I learned how to turn it around. If you know that your life could be better, even if it seems great right now, reach out by email or set up a call. I want all of us to be living our best life, not just a good life.

Because I believe this so strongly, I am offering a free one-on-one phone call to get to know each other, and outline the strengths that you already have on your side and your goals. Then, if it feels good to us, you can sign up for a package of 8 weekly 60 minute calls that will guide you on creating the life that you want. You will learn to see the events in your life as stepping stones not barriers. You will see yourself as the strong, powerful, successful person that you are. I believe in you. I believe in your strength and your wisdom.

Live Long and Prosper!

The Wounded Healer

There are many ways to do this thing called a Veterinary Medicine career.

I had been the archetypal ‘Wounded Healer’ for many years.

As I look back, I am sure that it started with my experience shadowing a veterinarian in high school; where I learned that we eat on the run, work very long hours and get paid very little. I honestly do not remember much of Veterinary school as I was living in a rather tiny, well controlled box (of my creating), that did not allow for much connection with my fellow students. Senior year clinicals were a trial to be withstood, but absolutely no fun. I do remember several patients that made an impression on me. One was a Rottie pup with DCM that had a groundbreaking surgery performed on him, but who passed away just as he seemed to be healing; and a golden retriever who had a mass on her leg that “was” the leg. I remember the clinician’s skeptical look as I couldn’t give her the dimensions of the tumor, I could only say that the tumor was her leg.

My first year of work was a real disaster that set me up for the next 15 years of suffering. I knew that this clinic was not the right one for me, but I took the job to be close to my mother who was undergoing treatments for breast cancer (she is still alive and doing well!). This first job taught me a lot of what “I will never do”, but it also scarred me and ruined my confidence. I left a few months before my contract was up, only to find another job that ended up beating me down in its own way. However, I did meet some incredible people there, did some amazing, successful surgeries (with the surgery book open next to me), and bought my first house! But I also experienced debilitating migraines, most likely because of my belief that I had to endure the hardships of the profession.

Jump forward to 2009 or so, and I stood in a different office, but with a huge choice to be made. By that time I was living the outward life of a successful, happy person, but inside I was miserable. I knew I was hanging on by my fingernails, desperately unhappy, exhausted and overwhelmed with the demands my profession was putting on me. I went to work every day because of the commitment I had to my patients, but I was absolutely beaten down. I didn’t have any skills to deal with the demands of the job or the emotional toll it can take. I was the Wounded Healer – existing to heal my patients, but not myself.

I decided that I wanted to be more than that. I wanted to identify as a Person, not just as a Veterinarian. As deeply as I felt called to sacrifice myself for my profession, deep down I knew it wasn’t who I really was. I was a person desiring and deserving of all the things people not in my profession had – time with family, vacations, hobbies, sleep and the ability to be more than a healer of animals – I could heal myself.

Once I admitted that I was miserable (even though I felt noble in that misery), I made different choices about what thoughts I held close to me and which ones I chose to let go. I held close the thought that I deserve to be adequately compensated with money and time-off, that I could have meaningful relationships in my life, that I could be a great veterinarian and a great romantic partner. The choice was clear but not easy.

Breaking out of the myth that is the ‘suffering veterinarian’ was not easy for me. We grow up with the stories of sacrifice and scarcity. The public puts demands on us that are unfair and unsustainable. Our colleagues inadvertently add to our misery by asking us to squeeze in just one more patient into our day (and I am guilty of that as well and am recommitting to being respectful of your schedule). But if you know that life could be better for you. If you want to be the best veterinary medical health care worker, AND the best YOU you can be… know that it IS possible. You have the knowledge and strength to create the life that you want. Play full out at work, but also be able to play full out at home!

If this sounds like a path you are ready to tread, please set up a call with me or send me an email so that together, we can learn to be happy, prosperous and fulfilled.

If only…

If only clients would stop complaining about prices…
If only clients would bring their animals in before it is a crisis…
If only clients wouldn’t ask me medical questions on social media…
If only clients wouldn’t leave mean and untrue reviews on social media…
If only co workers would stop being cliquish…
If only co workers would stop calling in sick…
If only management would staff us appropriately…

If all these things were to become true, I would be happy and successful as a veterinarian.

FALSE!

The truth is, as much as all of those above things should happen, they are not going to make me happy.

That is often our belief. That I need other people to do things and then I will be happy.

Happiness comes from within.

Even if all of those things were to happen I would still be miserable. How many times have you gotten exactly what you asked for and yet you were still unhappy?

That is why my outlook on how to create a fulfilling and sustainable veterinary career, focuses on my beliefs about the world and myself. I am only able to change myself. That’s why I focus on choosing happiness, and find techniques and skills that change my view of our world … so that I am happier. Storytelling, affirmations, intentions, visualizing, awareness of my thoughts and attached emotions are all the things that I practice. And I teach these techniques to help others create the fulfilling life that is available to all of us!

Now, while I absolutely believe that all the above listed stressors should be corrected, I strongly feel they are NOT responsible for my mental and emotional health. We are all able to use the power within us to create the life we want, one step at a time. You CAN shape how you think about events so that they don’t create turmoil in your life. You CAN write the narrative of your story that reflects the powerful person that you are. We all have that ability!

You can live in a world where all the statements mentioned are true, AND you can be fulfilled and successful. I have strong faith that all of us can navigate the stressors that come with this profession, or that we can make leaving the profession a positive choice, not one of defeat.

Because I believe in this practice so strongly, I am happy to offer you a FREE one-on-one phone call with me so we can get to know each other, and together we can outline the strengths that you already have on your side. If it feels good to continue, you can sign up for a package of (8) weekly, 60-minute calls that will guide you to create the life that you want.

You will learn to see the events in your life as stepping stones not barriers.
You will see yourself as the strong, powerful, successful person that you are.

You deserve to be happy. You are in control. I believe in you. Set up your call and let’s get started on creating the life that you know you deserve.

I look forward to seeing you fly!!!

Stories Are the Key to Feeling Better

This post was originally posted in October but the topic of the stories we tell has been on my mind lately. Every experience we have is a story waiting to be told and we are the authors. Be aware of the stories you tell yourself as if they are facts. Our lives are fiction and we can erase and rewrite the chapters anytime we want. Please read on and find the meaning of your day in the story you tell.

I don’t know about you, but this last week or so has been very trying. The social and political happenings are really pressing on me and I feel more reactive than normal. This is the unfortunate 3rd anniversary of my dad’s passing and the 4th anniversary of Dr Sophia Yin’s passing which brought the mental health of this profession into the forefront. So I’m feeling a little frazzled.

(And in December, the CDC came out with a study confirming the high risk of suicide in Veterinarians!)

I have found that acknowledging how I feel helps. Just saying that today sucked, that I want to scream (and then do it!), or that I am devastated by current events helps those feelings to subside a little which gives me breathing room.

Breathing room. Take the time to acknowledge your emotions and breathe through them.

Big emotions can feel scary and we tend to want to push them down and ignore them in the belief that they will go away or that looking at them will overwhelm us. But emotions are a useful tool for examining your thoughts and beliefs.

One way to turn a belief on its head is to realize that no experience has meaning until you assign it one.

For example: we all know that some people meet the personal diagnosis of cancer with acceptance and the belief that their life still has meaning and go on to achieve great things. Others can never move past the anger, hurt and fear of it. The diagnosis of cancer was the same, but the meaning assigned to it was different.

I use this tenant “no experience has meaning until you assign it one” often in my day. Feeling the big emotions of diagnosing acute renal failure or hemangiosarcoma can be overwhelming. I might get mad at a clients’ decision or lack of communication with me. But maybe there is a story to tell, a meaning to assign to the experience that will allow me to feel a little better about it.

I often ask myself “why am I reacting so strongly to this situation?” Strong emotional reactions mean that something about the situation is at odds with a deeply held belief, even an unconscious one, about yourself. In those situations ask yourself “If I was the client, what would my belief be to have made that decision?” Often times I find the answer is something along the lines of “I would be embarrassed (feel guilty, feel ashamed, feel I let them down).”

When you can ask why YOU are upset with it, having nothing to do with the other person, vast areas of growth can be achieved. Your emotions are the compass to how closely aligned you are to your higher self and when there is discord you feel strong emotions. Don’t get focused on the other person. Ask what the emotion is trying to lead you to and tell a different story about the situation. We all get mad at other peoples’ actions but asking what it would mean if you did that action is a chance to take back your power and heal a wound.

So I encourage you to feel your emotions and notice the accompanying stories. How can you reframe the thoughts so that they lead you to a better feeling place? Just for today, breathe through those big feelings and acknowledge them. Make the conscious choice to feel better and allow your brain and body to start moving you in that direction.

Try this idea on for size as you go through your day. Email me your questions or experiences with it, I’d love to hear from you. And if you want to chat in person, click here to sign up for a free 1 hr phone consultation. And please feel free to share this Newsletter with your colleagues!