I started Heal ThySELF DVM because Dr. Sophia Yin, DVM committed suicide. I remember the day in 2014 when I heard of her suicide. My heart broke with this news. I sobbed uncontrollably with hot tears streaming down my face. I wept often the next few days as I felt the magnitude of the loss to the world and her family.
On the call with my life coach that week I could not fully verbalize the depth of my grief. Through the sobs I could only choke out the words, “this is just not right and it has to stop.”
I never met Dr. Yin, so why did her death affect me so deeply? I only know that it caused me to profoundly recognize that we, in this profession we love so much, need help. Her death was the spark that set me on the path of Heal ThySELF DVM. I could no longer stand by silently and let others struggle.
I grew up knowing I would be a veterinarian. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would achieve this goal. It was a forgone conclusion.
In high school I shadowed a woman veterinarian who had a mixed animal practice. I loved every single minute of that experience. I vividly remember helping her castrate a horse in the field. During that procedure I got some blood on my sneaker. I was in heaven! It was a rite of passage for me. I wore that sneaker w pride and unwashed for months!
When I graduated Vet school I thought I was a super hero. I knew there were still things to learn, but I felt strong and capable. But very quickly the doubts and the defeats started. I was soon haunted by a vision of a small, frail version of myself with heaps of dead dogs and cats piled around me. The bodies were accusing me of killing them unjustly or letting them die. Therein lay the conflict: my goal was to save every animal yet animals died by my hand.
I had multiple jobs between 1990 and 2005 due to family situations as well as dissatisfactory jobs. What I came to realize is that all the jobs were the same. All of them beat me down with client demands, long hours, poor pay, friction with the staff and witnessing too much suffering and death. I was depressed and disillusioned about my profession. But at some point I realized that I was the constant, the common denominator. I changed jobs, but I didn’t change myself.
My healing journey began quietly when I met Jane Savoie, an Olympic equestrian and motivational speaker, and realized that I felt better while in her presence. Something deep inside of me recognized that she had an optimism that I desperately wanted. So I started creating my path to healing. I found people, books and animals who helped me remember things that I had once, as a child, known: How to find happiness daily and how amazing we all truly are.
One of the most powerful things I have ever heard is “You are not broken. You don’t need to be fixed. You haven’t done anything wrong.” This was a revelation to me and it still takes my breath away. I believe it to be true for all of us.
That was where I started. I started by taking those statements as truth.
I was not broken. I was just deciding I wanted something different.
I didn’t need to be fixed. Everything I had experienced so far in life was so that I could be the person I am today.
I have never done anything wrong. I have always made the best choices I could given who I was and what my options were at the time.
These beliefs and the powerful statement by Maya Angelou, “when you know better you do better” released me from self-flagellation over perceived mistakes. I believe that I am in charge of how I feel. I know that emotions are attached to thoughts and I control the thoughts. I have learned that I can be compassionate without losing myself. I have beliefs and techniques to relieve stress and stay connected to myself so that I can enjoy a fulfilling and prosperous career as a Veterinarian.
I know how important and possible it is to find that healing path for yourself as a Veterinarian. Through Heal ThySELF DVM, I look forward to helping other veterinarians explore their path in a safe and nurturing environment. That spark that I now have, and want to share with others, is eternal and ever growing. I will honor Dr. Yin by transmuting our common belief of inevitable sorrow into the belief of undeniable joy.
The suffering veterinarian will become a myth.
If my story and the mission of Heal ThySELF DVM resonates with you, please set up a time to chat (totally free, of course) with me personally by clicking here: calendly.com/healthyselfdvm