Heal ThySELF DVM

Stop the Self-Sabotage

This profession has a long standing heritage of self-abuse. We have super long, busy days and have historically not taken time for eating, bathroom breaks, or even a 5 minute breather to recenter. It is, unfortunately, sometimes considered a weakness to want those things for ourselves.

I have been acutely aware lately of how much my mood is affected by how well I have eaten that day. And I don’t mean, was it all organic, limited ingredient foods necessarily. I mean, even just eating 3 meals and some snacks during the day! That is the way I tend to show my stress first – I don’t eat, or I eat junk food and sweets. I can see how much the way I fuel my body is directly related to my ability to stay centered, focused and emotionally balanced.

We all have those ways we sabotage ourselves such as abusing food, sweets, alcohol, exercise, sleep. What is your self-sabotage pattern? I encourage you to notice what you do to your body when you are stressed or worried. See the pattern and commit, just for that day, to change it. It doesn’t need to be a commitment for the rest of your life, just start with today. Then I challenge you to do the same thing the next day. And… you see where I am going with this!!

So, take a few minutes and acknowledge the ways you don’t support yourself and take one small step to be better one day at a time. That’s how a habit starts, a commitment to do better one day at a time.

And as always, if anything you read resonates with you today, or if you have any questions about these ideas, please CLICK HERE to set up a free, 1-hr personal call with me. I’d love to hear from you!

You Choose

Yesterday was a difficult day.

I was reeling all day from two back-to-back cases that had me questioning myself and my profession. The first case was a dog I had been seeing for about 1-month with a left hind lameness that seemed to be a cruciate injury. However, a swelling developed near its hock, so it was brought in for a recheck. As I palpated the swelling my heart sank.

What if this was the real reason for the lameness and I had missed it? I started to hear white noise, I couldn’t form words and my heart was pounding in my ears as I heard the damning words in my head that I am stupid! I need to quit! I’m going to be sued for malpractice! Stupid stupid stupid!

The radiographs confirmed my worst fears – cancer with spread to the chest. If I had found the swelling earlier the dog might have a better prognosis. Shame on me!!

My anger was radiating out of me as I chastised the clients for even asking me to do this. My hands were clenched in fists and I was leaning over the exam table talking to them with short, clipped sentences so that I would not explode on them. How dare they put me in this position? How can I euthanize this cat? The tape in my head was screaming at me that life is so unfair, these people are cruel and ignorant, and I’ll never sleep tonight cause this cat will be haunting me! Unfair, Unfair Unfair!

There was no use even trying to sleep last night. I was depleted and exhausted, but my mind was racing with all the mistakes I had made in the first case and all the self righteousness of the second case. A couple of gin and tonics later and after watching mindless TV, I did fall asleep to horrible dreams and woke up with the covers pulled firmly over my head. It is not going to be a good day today either.

OR…….

I had a trying day yesterday.

Two cases allowed me to reaffirm my belief that I do the best I can but I do make mistakes. They also allowed me to reaffirm my belief in creating safe boundaries for myself and my staff.

The first case was a dog I had been seeing for about 1-month with a left hind lameness that seemed to be a cruciate injury. However, a swelling developed near its hock, so it was brought in for a recheck. As I palpated the swelling my heart sank. What if this was the real reason for the lameness and I missed it? My voice was a little shaky as I admitted that I had not seen this swelling before, and that while I didn’t think it was there, I could have possibly missed it. I was feeling jittery in my body and I had a huge lump in the back of my throat as I discussed the next steps. Did I miss this? Maybe. Maybe I didn’t do a thorough exam each time I saw her. I made a mental note to be sure I wasn’t getting rushed or lazy during exams. Then I moved on to create a plan for the next steps.

The second case was a cat that had been seen about 6-weeks ago for inappropriate urination. An initial work up indicated a medical condition, but the problem was not resolved and after several phone calls and other treatments the owners brought the cat in to be euthanized. I could hear and feel the owners’ distress. They felt backed into a corner and euthanasia was the only option they could see. I held my body tall and straight as I talked with them. My voice was a little shaky and my palms were sweating. I knew that I would NOT be performing the euthanasia today, but wondered if I had the ability to communicate well with the owners. I had a blunt discussion with the owners about my decision and expressed my understanding, but not agreement, with their decision. The owners temper flared a little at first, but I offered options that included euthanasia at another hospital, just not here, with me.

They decided to take the cat to a relative’s house where it could live outside, yet be very loved. But later that day, they came back and agreed to the full work up I had recommended. They thanked me for my honesty and I thanked them for their commitment to their cat and their trust in us. I felt so strong after the first interaction with them. I listened to my inner voice and set a clear boundary. I allowed my young technician to see that I value her mental health as well. In the end, as I wait on test results, I do not know what will happen in the future to this cat. But for now, I feel strong and so proud that I set the boundary in a way that allowed both parties to be heard and understood.

Last night I went to bed exhausted but intact. I did have some very vivid dreams that I will be thinking about today, but I feel rested and ready to see how today goes. I have the day off and so am up and moving early to enjoy my day.

It is your choice, you choose the stories that define your life.

Unlock the Power of Curiosity

Why am I able to enjoy work and be fulfilled?
How does leaving this job allow me to grow and be happier?

These are examples of high quality question affirmations; an exciting technique I was introduced to by my life coach, Jana Kellam.

Most of us have heard about affirmations. They are positive statements repeated to ourselves to challenge our negative self talk and create change in our way of thinking. Some examples would be: I am lovable or I am happy to go to work every day because I am appreciated.

High quality questions are those that allow for our brain to find positive answers that create change and growth.

Questions like:

What am I to learn from this experience?
(instead of ‘Why does this always happen to me?’)

-or-

What positive outcome could come from changing jobs?
(instead of ‘What’s wrong with me that I can’t find a job I like?’).

Our brains are fabulous at keeping a loop of self-talk running in our heads that can either build us up or keep us down. Our ego is also always looking to answer the questions we ask ourselves in the ways that will keep us safe, with safe being defined as in the box we know, with the beliefs we have.

But by combining the two techniques, we unlock our brain in a way to allow it to create positive answers that allow for growth and expansion. It creates a sense of curiosity about a situation that can unlock new answers.

The question “How does leaving this job allow me to grow and be happier?” might be answered by thoughts like “I will be able to start my own business!” or “The next job will reward my initiative and dedication!” or any number of other ways that feels good to you instead of depressing.

I encourage you to try this technique. Create high quality question affirmations and see how they allow you to find answers where you only found roadblocks and negativity before.

If you would like any help using this technique, or to share how it worked for you, please email me (Pamela@HealThyselfDVM.com) or set up a time to talk here: https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm

Let’s Talk!

I started Heal ThySELF DVM because Dr. Sophia Yin, DVM committed suicide. I remember the day in 2014 when I heard of her suicide. My heart broke with this news. I sobbed uncontrollably. I wept often the next few days as I felt the magnitude of the loss to the world and her family.

On the call with my life coach that week I could not fully verbalize the depth of my grief. Through the sobs I could only choke out the words, “this is just not right and it has to stop.”

I never met Dr. Yin, so why did her death affect me so deeply? I only know that it caused me to profoundly recognize that we, in this profession we love so much, need help. Her death was the spark that set me on the path of Heal ThySELF DVM. I could no longer stand by silently and let others struggle.

***

I grew up knowing I would be a veterinarian. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would achieve this goal. It was a forgone conclusion.

In high school I shadowed a woman veterinarian who had a mixed animal practice. I loved every single minute of that experience. I vividly remember helping her castrate a horse in the field. During that procedure I got some blood on my sneaker. I was in heaven! It was a rite of passage for me. I wore that sneaker with pride and unwashed for months!

When I graduated Vet school I thought I was a superhero. I knew there were still things to learn, but I felt strong and capable. But very quickly the doubts and the defeats started. I was soon haunted by a vision of a small, frail version of myself with heaps of dead dogs and cats piled around me. The bodies were accusing me of killing them unjustly or letting them die. Therein lay the conflict: my goal was to save every animal yet animals died by my hand.

I had multiple jobs between 1990 and 2005 due to family situations as well as dissatisfactory jobs. What I came to realize is that all the jobs were the same. All of them beat me down with client demands, long hours, poor pay, friction with the staff and witnessing too much suffering and death. I was depressed and disillusioned about my profession. But at some point I realized that I was the constant, the common denominator.

I changed jobs, but I didn’t change myself.

***

My healing journey began quietly when I met Jane Savoie, an Olympic equestrian and transformational speaker, and realized that I felt better while in her presence. Something deep inside of me recognized that she had an optimism that I desperately wanted. So I started creating my path to healing. I found people, books and animals who helped me remember things that I had once, as a child, known: How to find happiness daily and how amazing we all truly are.

One of the most powerful things I have ever heard is “You are not broken. You don’t need to be fixed. You haven’t done anything wrong.” This was a revelation to me and it still takes my breath away. I believe it to be true for all of us.

That was where I started. I started by taking those statements as truth.

I was not broken. I was just deciding I wanted something different.

I didn’t need to be fixed. Everything I had experienced so far in life was so that I could be the person I am today.

I have never done anything wrong. I have always made the best choices I could given who I was and what my options were at the time.

These beliefs and the powerful statement by Maya Angelou, “when you know better you do better” released me from self-flagellation over perceived mistakes. I believe that I am in charge of how I feel. I know that emotions are attached to thoughts and I control the thoughts. I have learned that I can be compassionate without losing myself. I have beliefs and techniques to relieve stress and stay connected to myself so that I can enjoy a fulfilling and prosperous career as a Veterinarian.

I know how important and possible it is to find that healing path for yourself as a Veterinarian. Through Heal ThySELF DVM, I enjoy helping other veterinarians explore their path in a safe and nurturing environment. That spark that I now have, and want to share with others, is eternal and ever growing. I will honor Dr. Yin by transmuting our common belief of inevitable sorrow into the belief of undeniable joy.

The suffering veterinarian will become a myth.

***

If you feel, as I once did, if you are hoping that your career could be prosperous and happy, please set up a time to chat (totally free, of course) with me personally by clicking here: calendly.com/healthyselfdvm

You can also reach out to me via email at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com

Stories Are the Key to Feeling Better

I don’t know about you, but this last week or so has been very trying. The social and political happenings are really pressing on me and I feel more reactive than normal. This is the unfortunate 3rd anniversary of my dad’s passing and the 4th anniversary of Dr Sophia Yin’s passing which brought the mental health of this profession into the forefront. So I’m feeling a little frazzled.

I have found that acknowledging how I feel helps. Just saying that today sucked, that I want to scream (and then do it!), that I am devastated by current events helps those feelings to subside a little which gives me breathing room.

Breathing room. Take the time to acknowledge your emotions and breathe through them.

Big emotions can feel scary and we tend to want to push them down and ignore them in the belief that they will go away or that looking at them will overwhelm us. But emotions are a useful tool for examining your thoughts and beliefs.

One way to turn a belief on its head is to realize that no experience has meaning until you assign it one.

For example: we all know that some people meet the personal diagnosis of cancer with acceptance and the belief that their life still has meaning and go on to achieve great things. Others can never move past the anger, hurt and fear of it. The diagnosis of cancer was the same, but the meaning assigned to it was different.

I use this tenant “no experience has meaning until you assign it one” often in my day. Feeling the big emotions of diagnosing acute renal failure or hemangiosarcoma can be overwhelming. But maybe there is a story to tell, a meaning to assign to this, that will allow me to feel a little better about it.

I get to allow the clients to find their way through the process with dignity, grace and as much serenity as they can. The client gets to heal previous experiences with terminally ill pets, or maybe even family. I might learn new techniques or meet new doctors who become part of my “go to referral team.” It is all in how you can frame the experience.

So, I encourage you to feel your emotions and notice the accompanying stories. How can you reframe the thoughts so that they lead you to a better feeling place? Just for today, breathe through those big feelings and acknowledge them. Make the conscious choice to feel better and allow your brain and body to start moving you in that direction.

Try this idea on for size as you go through your day. Email me your questions or experiences with it, I’d love to hear from you. And if you want to chat in person, click here to sign up for a free 1 hr phone consultation. And please feel free to share this blog with your colleagues!

Crossing That Rainbow Bridge

I stood in the room and watched as Mrs Jansen realized that she had to let Moe go. Her demeanor changed from distraught to calm as she stroked his head. The tears never stopped, but the reason behind them changed.

She had come to realize the unconditional love between her and Moe allowed her to be at peace. His body was failing and she needed to let him go.

More tests or treatments would not change the fact that his body was failing. He needed her help to cross the rainbow bridge. She lovingly gave me permission to help him as well.

I can’t tell you the number of times I have had the quality-of-life and end-of-life discussion with clients. It’s part of the job. But how I have handled it has grown and evolved over the years. I am old enough to have witnessed changes in how we perceive pet ownership and the amazing growth in our medical knowledge and resources.

The number of decisions that we are faced with when our pets are ill can be overwhelming:

– How much to spend?
– What lengths to go to?
– How many medications can we give?
– How many veterinary visits will they tolerate?
– What is best for my pet?

The question we all want an answer to is “What would my pet want me to do?”

As our society has become more removed from nature and busy with activities and technology, we have lost the most vital form of communication–that communication we have with our soul, our higher-self, our innate knowledge of what is best for us in the highest sense. This knowledge resides in our body and is found in that sensation you feel in your body when you sit quietly and ask the question, is it time to let my loved one go. Your body knows the answer. The art is in listening to it.

We get so wrapped up in our human needs, desires and egos that we forget we are all part of a larger connected non physical realm that has the knowledge of the ages locked into our bodies. We have forgotten how to listen to it.

The reason I still go to work every day is because I believe I make a difference. Not just with my medical knowledge or surgical skills. I make a difference because I believe in listening with my soul to my clients and patients. I empower my clients to make the decision that is right for them. I encourage them to take the facts and options I give them and make an informed decision. I am not alone. My colleagues around the world are amazing individuals who have the unique task of balancing this dance of the human <-> animal bond. I am so grateful to be part of this profession as we move forward into a new age of recognizing that the advanced medical capabilities can be balanced with our inner wisdom and that of our pets’.

I believe we all have the ability to make the difficult decision to euthanize our pets when we tune into our higher self. A judgement free environment knowing that your pet loves you no matter what decision you make is a powerful place to stand.

A willingness to tune into your higher self allows access to wisdom not clouded by ego, judgement and fear. It allows you to make decisions that are best for you and your fur-baby. Create your own no judgement zone, tap into that inner wisdom when faced with the difficult decisions of euthanasia and be at peace with the decision you make.

I would love to hear your experiences with euthanasia and how you handle it as a veterinary professional or as a person. If you would like to talk more about accessing your inner wisdom, please contact me by CLICKING HERE to set up a free, 1 hr personal call with me.

This is a topic near and dear to my heart and I am always willing to explore what it means to you.

That time I stuck my foot in my mouth…

Today I am reposting a newsletter submission from a year ago because I was reminded of it as I saw this client again this week. Please enjoy it and know that, even a year later, this was still a very important lesson for me.

There is a book, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz that lays out four agreements you make with yourself that can transform your life.

One of the agreements is “Do not make assumptions.”

I had this tenet very clearly pointed out to me the other day in the exam room. I walked into the room to meet a new client. As I was entering the room, I commented on how much I loved their red sneakers. Then I looked at the chart and saw the name Britney. The person standing in front of me looked very masculine.

That’s when I totally dug myself the deepest hole I may ever have been in! Not able to just close my mouth, I blathered on about how Britney is not usually a male name, blah blah blah. I am sure my tech was ready to stomp on my foot or slink under the table. Britney took it very well and said that she is frequently mistaken for a male. I continued to be confused and finally literally had to close my mouth and start the exam before saying anything more.

As I was palpating the abdomen, which was very normal but I took extra time to do it, I replayed the conversation and realized that I had made an assumption based on how Britney looked that was completely wrong. Lucky for me she was very nice about it. But as soon as my pulse slowed down, I apologized to her for making an assumption that I had no right to make. I told her I was sorry and how gracious she was in handling it.

After I apologized I realized that I felt totally empowered! We went on to have a great discussion about her dog and we actually got along really well. The empowerment I felt by apologizing was amazing. I know, had I just ignored it, I would have been beating up on myself for days about how stupid I was and I would have feared meeting her again.

So my recommendation to you is two-fold:

Do not make assumptions. Listen and ask questions to understand the other person’s point of view.
Sincerely apologize when you are wrong. It gives you back your power, and allows for a natural interaction, without weird vibes, to occur.

If you have experienced the power of apologizing, if anything you read resonates with you, or if you have any questions about these ideas please CLICK HERE to set up a free, 1 hr personal call with me.

I’d love to hear from you!

That night I was exhausted yet wide awake at the same time…

Arggghhhhhh! I laid awake the night after my first patient died after surgery. I was exhausted, but unable to keep my eyes closed or my brain quiet. I felt cold and sweaty at the same time. I laid on the couch watching inane late-night tv while I did a thorough job of beating up on myself:

Did I cause this death? What sign did I miss that this was going to happen? Could I have done something better? If only I was a better doctor this wouldn’t have happened. I am such an incompetent doctor. I obviously should never do surgery again. How could I do surgery ever again.

I eventually fell asleep only to wake up with the exact same thoughts pounding in my head as I headed into the clinic for another day.

GUILT. The emotion that comes over us as we believe we caused someone harm.

GUILT. The emotion that arises when we compromise our values by acting, or not acting, in accordance with our beliefs.

GUILT. That horrible feeling we get when we believe we should have done more. We should be able to work more hours, know everything about everything, and cure every patient we see. Silly right? Of course, but we all say these things to ourselves!

This emotion, guilt, brought on by our thoughts, is a major reason we experience compassion fatigue and burnout. We keep layering on the belief that we should know more and be able to do more, day after day, week after week, until we are depleted and not able to see how much good we do in a day and how needed we are.

I like the cognitive theory way of softening and negating this emotion of guilt. By changing our thoughts about a situation we can soften the feeling of guilt and even avoid it all together.

When you experience a situation that has you feeling guilty, notice the thoughts you are thinking. What story are you telling yourself about the situation? Be on the lookout for thoughts that begin with “I should have” or ‘I could have” or those thoughts using words like “always” (such as “I always make mistakes”). These are the kind of thoughts that lead to the emotion of guilt and keep us from being able to assess a situation honestly, learn from it, and move on.

I encourage you, when you are feeling guilty, to change the story you are telling yourself. Phrases like “I did my best” and “My team and I did all we could to save her, it just was not to be” are powerful and true statements. Learn from all outcomes, successes as well as failures, and be willing to let yourself off the hook. Notice the thoughts associated with your emotions and create new thoughts to orient yourself in a better feeling direction.

My Thoughts on Animal/Pet Euthanasia

During the latest episode of ‘Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success’ I share with you my beliefs on performing euthanasia, and how I’ve learned to view this experience as a profound gift.

Hope you enjoy the video and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section of the ‘Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success ’!

As always, you can set up a 1:1 call with me to explore what you are wanting to create in your life at https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm!

INTERVIEW: Embracing Your Healthy Self in Veterinary Medicine

I am so honored and proud to have been selected to participate in ZOMEDICA’s Voice of the Vet Blog, where they highlight the amazing things my colleagues are doing to stay happy and healthy in this profession.

Take a look at the article HERE!

BONUS ~ This gives me a chance to reconnect and share my story with you!! 💫💓💜💕

I’ve also recorded a Q 24 HR Your Daily Dose Of Veterinary Success on Facebook that expands upon this interview. Take a look here and be sure to leave a comment to continue the dialogue!

As always, reach out to me anytime if you’re feeling like you need a helping hand to get started to live the life you were meant to be living and the one you DESERVE to live!! Book a 1:1 call today.