Assumptions – Heal ThySELF DVM

That time I stuck my foot in my mouth…

Today I am reposting a newsletter submission from a year ago because I was reminded of it as I saw this client again this week. Please enjoy it and know that, even a year later, this was still a very important lesson for me.

There is a book, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz that lays out four agreements you make with yourself that can transform your life.

One of the agreements is “Do not make assumptions.”

I had this tenet very clearly pointed out to me the other day in the exam room. I walked into the room to meet a new client. As I was entering the room, I commented on how much I loved their red sneakers. Then I looked at the chart and saw the name Britney. The person standing in front of me looked very masculine.

That’s when I totally dug myself the deepest hole I may ever have been in! Not able to just close my mouth, I blathered on about how Britney is not usually a male name, blah blah blah. I am sure my tech was ready to stomp on my foot or slink under the table. Britney took it very well and said that she is frequently mistaken for a male. I continued to be confused and finally literally had to close my mouth and start the exam before saying anything more.

As I was palpating the abdomen, which was very normal but I took extra time to do it, I replayed the conversation and realized that I had made an assumption based on how Britney looked that was completely wrong. Lucky for me she was very nice about it. But as soon as my pulse slowed down, I apologized to her for making an assumption that I had no right to make. I told her I was sorry and how gracious she was in handling it.

After I apologized I realized that I felt totally empowered! We went on to have a great discussion about her dog and we actually got along really well. The empowerment I felt by apologizing was amazing. I know, had I just ignored it, I would have been beating up on myself for days about how stupid I was and I would have feared meeting her again.

So my recommendation to you is two-fold:

Do not make assumptions. Listen and ask questions to understand the other person’s point of view.
Sincerely apologize when you are wrong. It gives you back your power, and allows for a natural interaction, without weird vibes, to occur.

If you have experienced the power of apologizing, if anything you read resonates with you, or if you have any questions about these ideas please CLICK HERE to set up a free, 1 hr personal call with me.

I’d love to hear from you!

There are Two Sides to Every Coin

There are 2 sides to every coin. There are at least 2 sides to every story.

What I want to share with you today is an idea, that might raise some resistance in you at first, but just sit with it and see if it makes sense in the long run.

My goal in my day is to always look for the thoughts that allow me to feel better. In all the situations I deal with in a day, I try and find a way of looking at them that allows me to transcend the yucky, depleting emotions. I try and find a perspective that allows me to stay grounded and centered, feeling good. So here is a thought for this week for you to play with:

Your perspective is not the only one.

There, that’s the ground shattering truth.

Your perspective is not the only one.

What if that client that is declining the blood work truly does love her dog?
What if she has no money to spare?
What if she wants to do more, but is afraid you will find a cancer and she is battling it herself and cannot bear to think her dog has it as well?
What if she just buried her husband a year ago and is unable to face the fact that she may have to bury her dog as well?
What if she is in debt by tens of thousands of dollars and is embarrassed that she will be declined by Care Credit?
What if she is being abused by her daughter and feels helpless to make any decisions?

What if, what if, what if…

What if you decide she is just being stupid, uncaring or mean to the pet? What if you shower her, even unconsciously, with your feelings of anger and judgement? How would that feel to her? Might she respond with words of anger and accusations? Might she cause a scene in your lobby out of frustration and fear for her dog?

Could all of that energy that is being focused by you on her unwillingness to do the blood work be used in a better way? Perhaps to silently send her love and understanding, not knowing why she won’t do the blood work but respecting her rights. Perhaps ask her gently and softly why, and then give her the time and space to get the courage to tell you. How about energetically allowing her the dignity to make her decision and not feel judged or demeaned for it.

We have so much power in our hands. We are the Doctor! (shout out to Dr Who fans!) We are the authority, but we cannot possibly know why people make the decisions they make.

Your perspective is not the only one. Everyone involved in that pet’s care has an opinion on what should be done and why. And often, those choices are steeped in our culture and our upbringing.

The next time you are faced with someone not agreeing to your treatment plan, or getting angry with you over a diagnosis, take a moment to consider that they are scared, really really scared of something they are not telling you. Allow them to make the decision that is right for them. Know that you can do your job perfectly and still have them decline your recommendations.

There are always 2 sides to the coin. Yours and theirs. Allow for the possibility that your perspective is not the only one. You are not responsible for their decisions. Your life will be better for practicing this belief.

Next week we’ll look at how to diffuse your anger and frustrations in this kind of situation.

How Can You Keep Anger from Derailing Your Day?

I feel the need to speak out about a FB video that was posted recently by a veterinarian who I will not name here. She was distraught about the price of veterinary care and the effect that cost has on our clients and patients.

While I agree that this is an important topic, I feel that her approach was hurtful and disrespectful of her colleagues. Everyone in the field of veterinary medicine does the very best they can every day, day in and day out, despite the pain and suffering we see every day. We are not in it for the money, that’s for sure!

I created this with the desire to help my colleagues who may have been hurt by the video.

Some things to think about as you watch the video are: What does anger feel like in your body? Can you respond to anger in a new way, and what would that look like to you? When you feel angry at someone, could you deal with it differently by acknowledging that there is an underlying cause of the anger?

You can watch the video and let me know how you answered any of the above questions by emailing me at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com or setting up a private 1 hr phone call by visiting my scheduling center.

And please, as always, let everyone see the unique, compassionate person you are!

That time I stuck my foot in my mouth…

There is a book, “The 4 Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, that lays out 4 agreements you make with yourself that can transform your life. One of the agreements is, “Do not make assumptions.”

Britney took it very well and said that she is frequently mistaken for a male. I continued to be confused and finally literally had to close my mouth and start the exam before saying anything more.

Lucky for me she was very nice about it. But as soon as my pulse slowed down, I apologized to her for making an assumption that I had no right to make. I told her I was sorry and how gracious she was in handling it.

After I apologized, I realized that I felt totally empowered! We went on to have a great discussion about her dog and we actually got along really well. The empowerment I felt by apologizing was amazing. I know, had I just ignored it, I would have been beating up on myself for days about how stupid I was and I would have feared meeting her again.

So my recommendation to you is twofold:

Do not make assumptions. Listen and ask questions to understand the other person’s point of view.
Sincerely apologize when you are wrong. It gives you back your power, and allows for a natural interaction, without weird vibes, to occur.

If you have experienced the power of apologizing, if anything you read resonates with you, or if you have any questions about these ideas please click here to set up a free, 1 hr personal call with me. I’d love to hear from you!