A theme I hear over and over again when talking with my colleagues is our lack of boundaries.  We say yes to everything and everyone and yet are depleted emotionally and physically by it. I’m going to keep my say in this matter short this week so you have time to read and digest this article.

It hit home for me and reinforced what I have come to believe:
Self-care is not an indulgence! It is sometimes difficult work of learning how to say NO without the accompanying guilt and shame. Setting boundaries for better living is self-care at it’s best!

Please read the article (linked here) and let me know how this idea could be implemented in your life and how it would feel to have better boundaries?

The list of stressors in our careers could go on! These are reasons that I hear so many of my colleagues talking about the need for boundaries, and I totally agree!  

But what kind of boundaries and where do they start?

I can try and educate the public til I am out of breath about their role in our high risk of suicide.  I can try and persuade them of our absolute desire to heal every animal that comes across our door at a reasonable fee.  But I may never change their opinions. The reality is that the only thing I can control are my own beliefs and those are the boundaries that need to be created and kept intact.

To create boundaries we need to focus inward, not outward.  What clients do or say is a direct result of my beliefs and assumptions.  How I react to their words or actions is MY choice. At some point you have to decide that YOU are in charge of your emotions, and that no one can make you feel something you don’t want to feel.  Now I don’t mean that we don’t feel sad or angry at times. I don’t mean to say that there are not angry people that come into our clinics. What I want to emphasize is that when you feel negative emotions, you benefit from examining what belief allowed you to feel them and then play with changing that belief.  

For example:  
A client is complaining to me in the exam room that our prices are too high and she can’t afford the bloodwork to diagnose the issue.  She is on a bit of a rant about it, actually.

I have many choices in how to respond EMOTIONALLY:  
I can get angry, embarrassed, ashamed, sad, righteous, empathetic, loving.

Which emotion I chose to feel is up to me, and is based on the beliefs I have when I hear her rant.

I might feel a negative emotion if:  
– I believe that she is demeaning my knowledge or trying to guilt me into a discount.
– I believe that my prices are too high or I shouldn’t need the blood work.
– I believe that she is on a fixed income and the last thing she needs is a sick animal.
– I believe ‘who the hell is she to tell me what she’ll pay for my services‘!

I might feel a positive emotion if:
– I believe her rant has nothing to do with me.
– I believe that she has issues in her life  that I may never know about which cause her to act out.
– I believe that I need the lab work to reinforce my knowledge from the exam.
– I believe that we are all part of the same higher power (God, Allah, Buddha) and I can see it in her even as she acts out.

Repetitive themes abound in our lives so that we have multiple chances to heal those wounds that have been created by believing lies about ourselves and the world.  

Beliefs about money, time, love and humanity are always showing up since they are the universal experiences.  How they show up is a reflection of what we believe about them.

Believe that humanity is cruel and uncaring, and that is what you will see.

Believe that money is hard to get or hard to hold onto and that is what will repeatedly be shown to you.

You are a powerful creator and thus the statement “self fulfilling prophecy”.  

You see what you expect to see.  I don’t mean that negative things won’t happen to you – they happen to all of us but when you are looking for the good, the joy and the abundance in life, more often than not you will see it. And the negative things that happen will be seen as chances to create a new belief, chances to move beyond a challenge, chances to love yourself even more.

All the negative emotions are self-protective, instinctual relics of our past.  We need them to navigate real dangers, but we often use them as protection against changing and growing our beliefs and perspectives.  When we can investigate why something made us angry – by looking internally – then we can diffuse the situation, adopt new beliefs that are born of our power, and the need to react to that scenario again will be dissolved.

Boundaries are a critically important part of self-care and they arise from within, from self love.  Look inward and heal yourself so that you can show up as the powerful, amazing superhero you are in both your work and your home life.   

That’s my Valentines Day wish for you. Love yourself enough to have boundaries that allow you to enjoy your career and your life.

The boundary discussion was first introduced in my blog titled ‘Where Are You On the Boundary Continuum‘ where my coach, Jana Kellam, explores the different forms of boundaries within relationships.

Please view the video by visiting this link.

And, as always, please leave me comments about how these concepts and ideas resonate with you with you at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com.

If you would like to talk one on one with me, set up a time here for a free 1 hr conversation where we discuss how you can create healthy boundaries and become more aware of your energy profile!

“Good fences make good neighbors (clients and co-workers too!)”

Ok!  Today we are going to start a discussion on boundaries. (Yeah!  Huge roar from the crowd!!) And I say START the discussion because this is a topic that has many layers. We will be revisiting this topic and coming at it from different perspectives so you can find a way to think about this concept that works for you.  

Today I am inviting you to watch a video titled Hump Day RelationTIP #16: How Are Your Boundaries. This video, by my life coach Jana Kellam, is an episode from her weekly Wednesday Facebook Live video series (hence the video’s Hump Day reference). Within this video, she talks about boundaries in relationships, because really, EVERYTHING is a relationship – you with yourself, your co-workers, your clients and your romantic partner.

So I invite you to watch this video as the beginning of our discussion on boundaries. Here are some ideas to watch for in the video:

•   What is a boundary?
•   What are the different types of boundaries?
•   How can I create a boundary?
•   How can I know if I have crossed someone else’s boundary?

You will also find a link to her e-book series “Lessons from Jove”, based on the equine facilitated experiential learning (EFEL) work with her beloved horse, Jove.  This lesson reiterates the video’s message with some added wisdom from Jove. Feel free to check it out as well!

I hope you enjoy Jana’s video and I’ll see you next week with a deeper look into boundaries, energy profiles and creating the way you want to be seen in the world.  

And, as always, please leave me comments about how this idea of the boundary continuum resonated with you at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com.

If you would like to talk one on one with me, set up a time here for a free 1 hr conversation where we can talk about your boundaries and how you can create healthy ones.