I don’t know about you, but this last week or so has been very trying.  The social and political happenings are really pressing on me and I feel more reactive than normal. This is the unfortunate 3rd anniversary of my dad’s passing and the 4th anniversary of Dr Sophia Yin’s passing which brought the mental health of this profession into the forefront. So I’m feeling a little frazzled.  

(And in December, the CDC came out with a study confirming the high risk of suicide in Veterinarians!)

I have found that acknowledging how I feel helps.  Just saying that today sucked, that I want to scream (and then do it!), or that I am devastated by current events helps those feelings to subside a little which gives me breathing room.

Breathing room.  Take the time to acknowledge your emotions and breathe through them.  

Big emotions can feel scary and we tend to want to push them down and ignore them in the belief that they will go away or that looking at them will overwhelm us.  But emotions are a useful tool for examining your thoughts and beliefs.

One way to turn a belief on its head is to realize that no experience has meaning until you assign it one.

For example: we all know that some people meet the personal diagnosis of cancer with acceptance and the belief that their life still has meaning and go on to achieve great things.  Others can never move past the anger, hurt and fear of it. The diagnosis of cancer was the same, but the meaning assigned to it was different.

I use this tenant “no experience has meaning until you assign it one” often in my day.  Feeling the big emotions of diagnosing acute renal failure or hemangiosarcoma can be overwhelming.  I might get mad at a clients’ decision or lack of communication with me. But maybe there is a story to tell, a meaning to assign to the experience that will allow me to feel a little better about it.  

I often ask myself “why am I reacting so strongly to this situation?”  Strong emotional reactions mean that something about the situation is at odds with a deeply held belief, even an unconscious one, about yourself.  In those situations ask yourself “If I was the client, what would my belief be to have made that decision?” Often times I find the answer is something along the lines of “I would be embarrassed (feel guilty, feel ashamed, feel I let them down).”  

When you can ask why YOU are upset with it, having nothing to do with the other person, vast areas of growth can be achieved. Your emotions are the compass to how closely aligned you are to your higher self and when there is discord you feel strong emotions.  Don’t get focused on the other person. Ask what the emotion is trying to lead you to and tell a different story about the situation. We all get mad at other peoples’ actions but asking what it would mean if you did that action is a chance to take back your power and heal a wound.  

So I encourage you to feel your emotions and notice the accompanying stories.  How can you reframe the thoughts so that they lead you to a better feeling place?  Just for today, breathe through those big feelings and acknowledge them. Make the conscious choice to feel better and allow your brain and body to start moving you in that direction.  

Try this idea on for size as you go through your day.  Email me your questions or experiences with it, I’d love to hear from you.  And if you want to chat in person, click here to sign up for a free 1 hr phone consultation.  And please feel free to share this Newsletter with your colleagues!

One of those days where it seems you just can’t get your message across to someone?

I have had those conversations. For example: Talking with a client on the phone who has a pet that I think really needs to come in and be seen. I’ll go through all the reasons I think the pet should come in, all the while getting more and more frustrated about the situation.  I can feel my blood pressure rising as I get tense in my body, my throat gets tight, I talk louder and punctuate my words and interrupt the client on the phone all because I desperately want to help that pet. Have you ever had a conversation like that?

Let’s say the pet doesn’t come in for whatever reason.  I am left feeling angry at myself and the client and worried about the pet.  I take that anger home with me that night and find myself replaying the conversation over and over and over again keeping myself in a state of anger and worry.  I know a lot of us do this. It’s a very human thing to do but it really isn’t helping you deal with the emotions, it is just keeping you in it.

That cycle – replaying and reliving the emotions of a difficult conversation is what I have learned to break, and you can too.

One idea that I use, is to stop and notice when I have that loop going in my head about how mad I am that the client is not caring enough about their pet, and how worried I am about the pet.

I stop my thoughts in their track and replace them with the thought that the client is doing the best they can with where they are in life and their spiritual evolution and while it may not be up to my standards, it is the best they can do.  Whew. When I remind myself of this belief that I have, it immediately lightens the load I need to carry.

I follow it up with a prayer for the client. “I release any responsibility I feel for the decision the client is making.  I have done my best. I believe the client is doing their best and please help them continue to seek the attention that their pet needs.”  Immediately I feel more calm and centered as I release the responsibility to a higher power.

I will also include the pet in the prayer.  “Please take the pain and discomfort away from this pet and give them peace and healing.”

When I hear myself going back to the angry replay I stop, hit pause, and fast forward to my prayer.  

How many times do we repeat scenarios in our heads keeping the negative emotions in our experience?  This is a key factor in burn-out because it is draining. Not only are you drained by the initial experience, but you are drained by the repeated replays of it.

STOP yourself when you see yourself doing this.  Replace it with the thought that you did the best you could and that is all you can ever do.  You cannot make people do things, you can only educate and offer. The rest is up to them.

And so, as my responsibility to you to offer my knowledge, I am offering a free consultation with me about anything that is bothering you right now. Let’s troubleshoot the issue and let me help guide you to that knowledge that is already inside of you that has the answers. This is my mission, to help relieve the suffering of those in this field and create a stronger, healthier and happier community.

 You can reach me via email or set up a time to chat here: https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm  

Did I cause this death?  What sign did I miss that this was going to happen? Could I have done something better? If only I was a better doctor this wouldn’t have happened. I am such an incompetent doctor.  I obviously should never do surgery again. How could I do surgery ever again.

I eventually fell asleep only to wake up with the exact same thoughts pounding in my head as I headed into the clinic for another day.

GUILT.  The emotion that comes over us as we believe we caused someone harm.  

GUILT.  The emotion that arises when we compromise our values by acting, or not acting, in accordance with our beliefs.  

GUILT.  That horrible feeling we get when we believe we should have done more.  We should be able to work more hours, know everything about everything, and cure every patient we see.  Silly right? Of course, but we all say these things to ourselves!

This emotion, guilt, brought on by our thoughts, is a major reason we experience compassion fatigue and burnout.  We keep layering on the belief that we should know more and be able to do more, day after day, week after week, until we are depleted and not able to see how much good we do in a day and how needed we are.

I like the cognitive theory way of softening and negating this emotion of guilt.  By changing our thoughts about a situation we can soften the feeling of guilt and even avoid it all together.  

When you experience a situation that has you feeling guilty, notice the thoughts you are thinking.  What story are you telling yourself about the situation? Be on the lookout for thoughts that begin with “I should have” or ‘I could have” or those thoughts using words like “always” (such as “I always make mistakes”).  These are the kind of thoughts that lead to the emotion of guilt and keep us from being able to assess a situation honestly, learn from it, and move on.

I encourage you, when you are feeling guilty, to change the story you are telling yourself.  Phrases like “I did my best” and “My team and I did all we could to save her, it just was not to be” are powerful and true statements. Learn from all outcomes, successes as well as failures, and be willing to let yourself off the hook. Notice the thoughts associated with your emotions and create new thoughts to orient yourself in a better feeling direction.

We had a blocked cat, with an owner that could not see how much we were trying to help.  We had two separate clients, trying to help pets that were not their own, facing constraints both moral and tangible.  We had people bringing us cookies and a very special bottle of alcohol to say “Thank you, I see you.” We felt understood at times and horribly denigrated at others.  

We felt triumphant and defeated. We felt celebrated and we felt abused.

We all deal with weeks like this differently.  What kept me balanced and centered was my knowledge of myself.  I know I am caring, compassionate, knowledgeable and worthy. I have worked at creating those roots- those beliefs of myself that are a strong foundation so that my self worth is not affected by the actions or words of others.  

Even the praise of others, though it definitely feels good, only feels good because I believe it inside first and foremost. Knowing who I am and what I stand for keeps me from being blown about like a leaf in the wind: debating my worth with every client encounter.  And the debate can feel like anger, sadness, and physical discomfort. It doesn’t necessarily mean you are conscious of a “debate” in your mind.

What can you do today to strengthen your own self worth muscle?  

When you know you are worthy of everything that you desire, and that you are strong, capable and compassionate  then emotionally charged events do not knock you off balance easily or for long.

If you feel blown about like a leaf in the wind, not sure who you are inside or how to show it – It can be changed!  You can determine your own self worth and navigate the emotions of a veterinary office with ease and grace. It just takes practice.  

Let’s talk.  Send me an email at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com or set up a one-on-one chat.  Believing in yourself- your ability to love yourself, know your worth, know your emotions-is critical to staying centered and balanced in this profession.  

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I have many emotions swirling around me over this situation and the predominant emotion changes from hour to hour.  I wanted to explore some of them with you as I know they are not unique to me, but common to all of us who have animals in our lives.

The predominant overarching emotion is FEAR.  

Fear of the future-me not being able to handle the absence.
Fear of the future-me missing the soft fur, the eyes, the purr.
Fear of the pain this loss will create in my heart, my body, my soul.
Fear of judgement of others for how I handled his disease and when I chose to end his life.  

I feel GUILT, as well.

Guilt that I didn’t do everything I “could” have done to keep him here longer.
Guilt that I missed some doses of medications.
Guilt that I waited too long to start treatments.
Guilt that I didn’t do regular monitoring.

I also feel UNWORTHY of his love.  

I know all the things I have done that he can’t possibly know about. That if he did, he would surely not love me.  If he knew the real me, he would not love me the way he does.

I cannot look in his eyes anymore without crying, due to the absolutely crushing weight of emotions that I feel – FEAR. GUILT. UNWORTHINESS.

LOVE.

How can I possibly come home to a house empty of his presence?  How will I fall asleep at night without a good night snuggle with him first?  

How do I admit how much I needed him to listen to my fears and my worries.  He was so strong to listen to all of my emotional dumps on him and not once did he walk away from me in a huff.  Not once did he tell me to get a grip. Not once did he tell me he couldn’t listen to me any more. There were no eye rolls, no huffing, no disengaging.

How do I go through with his euthanasia?  When do I know it is the right time?

If I strip away the fears for just a moment I know it is time now.  I know I am delaying the inevitable hoping that there will be a way of avoiding the emotions I know are coming.

I am delaying because I hope he will just… die in his sleep. Why don’t more of our pets die in their sleep?   

I believe their last gift to us is that they allow us to face all of our fears, with shaking knees and tears, because they know we can handle it and grow.

The only way I know to deal with all of this in a healthy manner is to be brave and wade right into the emotional whirlpool that surrounds death and especially the choice of euthanasia.

I can only feel the depth of loss if I have felt the abundance of love.  

Can I be brave enough to feel the pain in my heart? Really feel it. Allow it to be with me in any way that it needs to be.  Can I find some part of me that realized the pain could not be there if I had not opened myself to the love in the first place?  There could be no pain if there was no love. That is the price of being human.

We love and therefore we grieve.  They are the two endpoints of the pendulum swing.  

Can I allow myself to grieve as much as I allowed myself to love?
Can I grieve harder than I loved, knowing that I also held back some of my love as a protection against this day as well? 

Facing his death, can I admit that I didn’t love him to the fullest because I knew this day would come and I wanted to protect myself.  It didn’t work. Now I hurt for the loss as well as the knowing that I held some love back and now it is too late.

So the only way out I know is to be willing to feel all of these emotions and love myself for them.  They are the indicators that I am human. They are the indicators that I am capable of love and worthy of being loved.  

Some damn black cat came into my life and look what happened.

He loved ME.

He loved the doubts, the insecurities, the lies, the shame, the failures, the me that is messed up and human.  

He loved ME.

He is my teacher, he has confidence in me and I hope to honor his memory with the lessons I learned from him.

During today’s ‘Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success’ I discuss an experience I had this week at work which highlights the need for us to find the lies we tell ourselves.

If we can find the lies we tell ourselves, we can find the truths as well.  Watch the video and let me know how you create resilience in your day.

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Colleagues who work with me find the keys within themselves to unlock their intuitive knowledge of what thoughts and beliefs to shift to gain the happiness they deserve both in and out of the office. It is truly amazing to witness the growth in their confidence in handling the situations that used to throw them off the tracks.

Make 2018 the time you say “I deserve every happiness I can imagine at work and at home.”

Can’t wait to chat with you!

In a flash I had some thoughts on how I CAN do this every day and I wanted to share them with you.  

Take a look at the latest episode of Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success to dive in.

Let me know if these thoughts help you to put our world into perspective and maybe even help you to feel empowered. You can reach me at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com .

Success, for today, is defined as having a framework to handle the emotional and stressful issues we face every day.  

So enjoy the video and please leave your thoughts in the comment section of the ‘Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success’ or reach out to me directly at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com.

As always, you can set up a 1:1 call with me to explore what you are wanting to create in your life at  https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm!

In this talk, Dr Susan David discusses many things, but one of them is the idea that emotions are data points to be used for guidance, not as inherently good or bad.

So watch the video and let me know what you think about it in the comment section of the ‘q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Veterinary Success’. We will be talking about it in the days ahead because it is full of actionable ideas.

And, as always, please reach out to me to talk about this more at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com

The boundary discussion was first introduced in my blog titled ‘Where Are You On the Boundary Continuum‘ where my coach, Jana Kellam, explores the different forms of boundaries within relationships.

Please view the video by visiting this link.

And, as always, please leave me comments about how these concepts and ideas resonate with you with you at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com.

If you would like to talk one on one with me, set up a time here for a free 1 hr conversation where we discuss how you can create healthy boundaries and become more aware of your energy profile!