Female Veterinarian – Page 3

The Wounded Healer

There are many ways to do this thing called a Veterinary Medicine career.

I had been the archetypal ‘Wounded Healer’ for many years.

As I look back, I am sure that it started with my experience shadowing a veterinarian in high school; where I learned that we eat on the run, work very long hours and get paid very little. I honestly do not remember much of Veterinary school as I was living in a rather tiny, well controlled box (of my creating), that did not allow for much connection with my fellow students. Senior year clinicals were a trial to be withstood, but absolutely no fun. I do remember several patients that made an impression on me. One was a Rottie pup with DCM that had a groundbreaking surgery performed on him, but who passed away just as he seemed to be healing; and a golden retriever who had a mass on her leg that “was” the leg. I remember the clinician’s skeptical look as I couldn’t give her the dimensions of the tumor, I could only say that the tumor was her leg.

My first year of work was a real disaster that set me up for the next 15 years of suffering. I knew that this clinic was not the right one for me, but I took the job to be close to my mother who was undergoing treatments for breast cancer (she is still alive and doing well!). This first job taught me a lot of what “I will never do”, but it also scarred me and ruined my confidence. I left a few months before my contract was up, only to find another job that ended up beating me down in its own way. However, I did meet some incredible people there, did some amazing, successful surgeries (with the surgery book open next to me), and bought my first house! But I also experienced debilitating migraines, most likely because of my belief that I had to endure the hardships of the profession.

Jump forward to 2009 or so, and I stood in a different office, but with a huge choice to be made. By that time I was living the outward life of a successful, happy person, but inside I was miserable. I knew I was hanging on by my fingernails, desperately unhappy, exhausted and overwhelmed with the demands my profession was putting on me. I went to work every day because of the commitment I had to my patients, but I was absolutely beaten down. I didn’t have any skills to deal with the demands of the job or the emotional toll it can take. I was the Wounded Healer – existing to heal my patients, but not myself.

I decided that I wanted to be more than that. I wanted to identify as a Person, not just as a Veterinarian. As deeply as I felt called to sacrifice myself for my profession, deep down I knew it wasn’t who I really was. I was a person desiring and deserving of all the things people not in my profession had – time with family, vacations, hobbies, sleep and the ability to be more than a healer of animals – I could heal myself.

Once I admitted that I was miserable (even though I felt noble in that misery), I made different choices about what thoughts I held close to me and which ones I chose to let go. I held close the thought that I deserve to be adequately compensated with money and time-off, that I could have meaningful relationships in my life, that I could be a great veterinarian and a great romantic partner. The choice was clear but not easy.

Breaking out of the myth that is the ‘suffering veterinarian’ was not easy for me. We grow up with the stories of sacrifice and scarcity. The public puts demands on us that are unfair and unsustainable. Our colleagues inadvertently add to our misery by asking us to squeeze in just one more patient into our day (and I am guilty of that as well and am recommitting to being respectful of your schedule). But if you know that life could be better for you. If you want to be the best veterinary medical health care worker, AND the best YOU you can be… know that it IS possible. You have the knowledge and strength to create the life that you want. Play full out at work, but also be able to play full out at home!

If this sounds like a path you are ready to tread, please set up a call with me or send me an email so that together, we can learn to be happy, prosperous and fulfilled.

Stories Are the Key to Feeling Better

This post was originally posted in October but the topic of the stories we tell has been on my mind lately. Every experience we have is a story waiting to be told and we are the authors. Be aware of the stories you tell yourself as if they are facts. Our lives are fiction and we can erase and rewrite the chapters anytime we want. Please read on and find the meaning of your day in the story you tell.

I don’t know about you, but this last week or so has been very trying. The social and political happenings are really pressing on me and I feel more reactive than normal. This is the unfortunate 3rd anniversary of my dad’s passing and the 4th anniversary of Dr Sophia Yin’s passing which brought the mental health of this profession into the forefront. So I’m feeling a little frazzled.

(And in December, the CDC came out with a study confirming the high risk of suicide in Veterinarians!)

I have found that acknowledging how I feel helps. Just saying that today sucked, that I want to scream (and then do it!), or that I am devastated by current events helps those feelings to subside a little which gives me breathing room.

Breathing room. Take the time to acknowledge your emotions and breathe through them.

Big emotions can feel scary and we tend to want to push them down and ignore them in the belief that they will go away or that looking at them will overwhelm us. But emotions are a useful tool for examining your thoughts and beliefs.

One way to turn a belief on its head is to realize that no experience has meaning until you assign it one.

For example: we all know that some people meet the personal diagnosis of cancer with acceptance and the belief that their life still has meaning and go on to achieve great things. Others can never move past the anger, hurt and fear of it. The diagnosis of cancer was the same, but the meaning assigned to it was different.

I use this tenant “no experience has meaning until you assign it one” often in my day. Feeling the big emotions of diagnosing acute renal failure or hemangiosarcoma can be overwhelming. I might get mad at a clients’ decision or lack of communication with me. But maybe there is a story to tell, a meaning to assign to the experience that will allow me to feel a little better about it.

I often ask myself “why am I reacting so strongly to this situation?” Strong emotional reactions mean that something about the situation is at odds with a deeply held belief, even an unconscious one, about yourself. In those situations ask yourself “If I was the client, what would my belief be to have made that decision?” Often times I find the answer is something along the lines of “I would be embarrassed (feel guilty, feel ashamed, feel I let them down).”

When you can ask why YOU are upset with it, having nothing to do with the other person, vast areas of growth can be achieved. Your emotions are the compass to how closely aligned you are to your higher self and when there is discord you feel strong emotions. Don’t get focused on the other person. Ask what the emotion is trying to lead you to and tell a different story about the situation. We all get mad at other peoples’ actions but asking what it would mean if you did that action is a chance to take back your power and heal a wound.

So I encourage you to feel your emotions and notice the accompanying stories. How can you reframe the thoughts so that they lead you to a better feeling place? Just for today, breathe through those big feelings and acknowledge them. Make the conscious choice to feel better and allow your brain and body to start moving you in that direction.

Try this idea on for size as you go through your day. Email me your questions or experiences with it, I’d love to hear from you. And if you want to chat in person, click here to sign up for a free 1 hr phone consultation. And please feel free to share this Newsletter with your colleagues!

It’s Not Always About You!

Taking things personally is so easy to do! We do it without even thinking of it!

When someone attacks us verbally, or makes comments about us to others, it is so easy to fall into the trap of taking it personally.

What does taking it personally mean? It means that we make the comment about us, we put meaning to it that satisfies our need to be right, our need to be safe and our need to defend ourselves (thank you monkey-mind). When we take something personally we are assuming that we know what the other person meant and wanted us to feel.

Taking things personally, making it about US, is a great way to create drama, emotion and stress where there may not need to be any. Let’s look at an example.

We hear someone say that “we are just in it for the money.” Right away our hackles go up and we are ready for a fight. But this only happens if we have taken it personally. If we have allowed their comment to affect our belief in ourselves or affect how we believe others think about us. If you can allow that first flush of anger wash over and through you and take a step back from it, you can see that the comment is a reflection of THAT person’s beliefs, not yours. Perhaps THAT person feels some sort of conflict about charging clients, their clients’ ability to afford them, their own finances and debt etc.

Or a client tells us that we don’t know what we are talking about, they found real info on Google. If we take that comment personally then we are insulted and angry which can spiral out of control as we re-play the comment in our head days and weeks later. But what if, when they say that, you can allow it to wash over you and not land inside? What if you can recognize that they are entitled to their belief about you, but it has nothing to do with you!

Not taking things personally also sometimes means that I have to let go of the need to be right and the need to be the right person for everyone. How often do you find yourself in a disagreement because you need to be right? What if both you and the other person can both be right? Wow! Mind blown! Both of you can be right, and still not agree with each other. This sort of realization is so liberating and allows for all kinds of expansion in your relationships at work and at home.

So I encourage all of you to practice taking a step back whenever you hear anything that flares your defensive emotional muscles. Take a breath. Ask yourself:

“Does what I just heard have anything to do with me?”
“What would I be like if I knew that others’ opinions do not matter to me?”

How would it feel to not react in anger the next time you are confronted? Not taking things personally keeps you from getting on an emotional merry-go-round that just keeps spinning.

It doesn’t mean that you are ignoring the situation. It simply means that you have moved past the monkey-mind induced negative emotions into the realm of self-care and finding solutions that allow you to feel better.

Please let me know how not taking things personally allows you to be more of the person you know you are. How does your day flow when things roll more easily off your back?

You can contact me via pamela@healthyselfdvm.com or set up a personal free 1-on-1 chat about this by visiting my scheduling site. And, as always, continue to be the wonderful, compassionate rock-star badasses that I know you are!

Drop Your Bags at the Door

When I was young, maybe 7 or 8, my mom used to take me clothes shopping for school. I remember going into the Colony Shop in the Altoona Mall and seeing all the beautiful dresses. I liked to walk around the displays with my eyes wide with all the colors, running my fingertips over the fabric and delighting in the ribbons and bows.

I loved looking at the dresses and imagining myself in them. How I would walk, and twirl and dance in them! It was so much fun. Then I would get to try the dresses on, and oh how big and special I would feel as I took that first look into the mirror. I would see myself in the perfect dress and feel like a princess. Everything was right with the world and then…

My Mom would look at me and say that it didn’t fit well enough and that we couldn’t purchase it. She would fuss at the shoulders of the dress usually and say how it didn’t fit in the shoulders right and I couldn’t have the dress. This perfect dress. The one with the pink tulip buds on it, the one that had the pink and green sash and bow. The one with the perfectly pleated and flared skirt. The one that my heart was set on.

My mom only wanted me to look my best. That was important to her. She wasn’t being mean or cheap – in her way she was looking out for me. Unfortunately, she didn’t know what lesson I took away from that dress experience that was then repeated many times over.

What I heard was “you are not good enough for this dress.” “Your shoulders are not the right size for this dress.” But I was in love with the dress. I wanted the dress. It looked divine on me. Why couldn’t we just buy the dress and make my dreams come true?

Then it happened. The lie I began to live by was started by a seemingly trivial experience of buying a dress. The lie I lived most of my life with began that day and was:

“Don’t want anything. The minute you desire something, you won’t get it and you’ll be disappointed and that hurts way too much. Just don’t want anything.”

That lie became a truth in my life. I can see evidence everywhere of how I made that belief come true over and over again. When our mind believes something it works very hard to create a reality that matches that belief. Over and over I would want something and see it disappear. It didn’t take long before, as a child, I stopped wanting things, I stopped dreaming of my future because I believed dreaming and wanting was the surest way of not getting it.

I tell you this story to illustrate the amazingly effective way our brains take events and create meaning and a code we live our life by.

What events jump out at you when you recall your childhood?
What story do you tell about yourself or the world based on that experience?
Are you willing to see the event as something different and rewrite your story and create a new way of moving through life?

My efforts are going to be placed on rewriting the belief that wanting something creates hurt.

What belief are you wanting to rewrite?

I know this isn’t directly related to veterinary medicine…or is it? We are humans and we come to work every day with our beliefs firmly entrenched, for good or for bad. We carry baggage into the office every day that affects how we experience our co-workers and clients. I, for one, want to lessen the baggage, so that I am more fully present and healthy to do my job. The less I carry into work, the less I carry home.

What are your beliefs about clients? Does death have to be devastating and sad? Are you good enough? Smart enough?

What baggage are you ready to drop?

What Keeps You Up at Night?

I woke up last night at 2 am.

This doesn’t usually happen to me. I sleep really well. But there are things going on in my life and lots of changes on the horizon. I’m stressed. When I woke up I was wide awake with my mind racing.

What if this….. What if that…….. When should I……

Money issues, relationship issues, holiday issues, work issues………..

I couldn’t stop my mind from racing. I felt physically worse as the minutes dragged by.

I snuggled closer to my partner to feel loved and comforted as I listened to his breathing and felt his warmth. Nope! It just infuriated me that he was sound asleep and probably enjoying a great dream. Instead of poking him to wake him up and be miserable with me, I went downstairs.

As I was walking down the hallway I gave myself permission to feel however I wanted to feel – scared, worried, frustrated. That stopped the internal comments for a few seconds. “Huh,” they said, “it’s not that much fun when she doesn’t play along and get all worked up.”

Then I decided to play hard ball with the internal reel and I pulled out a couple of mantras and decided to drown out the negative with the positive.

“I am worthy of everything I desire”

“Money is love and it flows abundantly to me”

“I make decisions easily and enjoy the process”

I almost chuckled as I coached myself out of a rabbit hole of negativity. The fears and doubts were silenced. I won’t say I was able to immediately go back to sleep, but I felt a whole lot more at ease as I snuggled back into bed next to my partner.

I share this so that you know exactly how these ideas I talk about can be used in real time, in real life. As I use them daily, I am able to change the direction of my thoughts pretty quickly at this point.

Tell me, what has kept you up at night?
What worries and fears are keeping you from living the life you deserve?

Set up a call or send me an email and we can investigate them together and get you back on track!

You Choose

Yesterday was a difficult day.

I was reeling all day from two back-to-back cases that had me questioning myself and my profession. The first case was a dog I had been seeing for about 1-month with a left hind lameness that seemed to be a cruciate injury. However, a swelling developed near its hock, so it was brought in for a recheck. As I palpated the swelling my heart sank.

What if this was the real reason for the lameness and I had missed it? I started to hear white noise, I couldn’t form words and my heart was pounding in my ears as I heard the damning words in my head that I am stupid! I need to quit! I’m going to be sued for malpractice! Stupid stupid stupid!

The radiographs confirmed my worst fears – cancer with spread to the chest. If I had found the swelling earlier the dog might have a better prognosis. Shame on me!!

My anger was radiating out of me as I chastised the clients for even asking me to do this. My hands were clenched in fists and I was leaning over the exam table talking to them with short, clipped sentences so that I would not explode on them. How dare they put me in this position? How can I euthanize this cat? The tape in my head was screaming at me that life is so unfair, these people are cruel and ignorant, and I’ll never sleep tonight cause this cat will be haunting me! Unfair, Unfair Unfair!

There was no use even trying to sleep last night. I was depleted and exhausted, but my mind was racing with all the mistakes I had made in the first case and all the self righteousness of the second case. A couple of gin and tonics later and after watching mindless TV, I did fall asleep to horrible dreams and woke up with the covers pulled firmly over my head. It is not going to be a good day today either.

OR…….

I had a trying day yesterday.

Two cases allowed me to reaffirm my belief that I do the best I can but I do make mistakes. They also allowed me to reaffirm my belief in creating safe boundaries for myself and my staff.

The first case was a dog I had been seeing for about 1-month with a left hind lameness that seemed to be a cruciate injury. However, a swelling developed near its hock, so it was brought in for a recheck. As I palpated the swelling my heart sank. What if this was the real reason for the lameness and I missed it? My voice was a little shaky as I admitted that I had not seen this swelling before, and that while I didn’t think it was there, I could have possibly missed it. I was feeling jittery in my body and I had a huge lump in the back of my throat as I discussed the next steps. Did I miss this? Maybe. Maybe I didn’t do a thorough exam each time I saw her. I made a mental note to be sure I wasn’t getting rushed or lazy during exams. Then I moved on to create a plan for the next steps.

The second case was a cat that had been seen about 6-weeks ago for inappropriate urination. An initial work up indicated a medical condition, but the problem was not resolved and after several phone calls and other treatments the owners brought the cat in to be euthanized. I could hear and feel the owners’ distress. They felt backed into a corner and euthanasia was the only option they could see. I held my body tall and straight as I talked with them. My voice was a little shaky and my palms were sweating. I knew that I would NOT be performing the euthanasia today, but wondered if I had the ability to communicate well with the owners. I had a blunt discussion with the owners about my decision and expressed my understanding, but not agreement, with their decision. The owners temper flared a little at first, but I offered options that included euthanasia at another hospital, just not here, with me.

They decided to take the cat to a relative’s house where it could live outside, yet be very loved. But later that day, they came back and agreed to the full work up I had recommended. They thanked me for my honesty and I thanked them for their commitment to their cat and their trust in us. I felt so strong after the first interaction with them. I listened to my inner voice and set a clear boundary. I allowed my young technician to see that I value her mental health as well. In the end, as I wait on test results, I do not know what will happen in the future to this cat. But for now, I feel strong and so proud that I set the boundary in a way that allowed both parties to be heard and understood.

Last night I went to bed exhausted but intact. I did have some very vivid dreams that I will be thinking about today, but I feel rested and ready to see how today goes. I have the day off and so am up and moving early to enjoy my day.

It is your choice, you choose the stories that define your life.

Stories Are the Key to Feeling Better

I have found that acknowledging how I feel helps. Just saying that today sucked, that I want to scream (and then do it!), that I am devastated by current events helps those feelings to subside a little which gives me breathing room.

Breathing room. Take the time to acknowledge your emotions and breathe through them.

One way to turn a belief on its head is to realize that no experience has meaning until you assign it one.

I use this tenant “no experience has meaning until you assign it one” often in my day. Feeling the big emotions of diagnosing acute renal failure or hemangiosarcoma can be overwhelming. But maybe there is a story to tell, a meaning to assign to this, that will allow me to feel a little better about it.

I get to allow the clients to find their way through the process with dignity, grace and as much serenity as they can. The client gets to heal previous experiences with terminally ill pets, or maybe even family. I might learn new techniques or meet new doctors who become part of my “go to referral team.” It is all in how you can frame the experience.

So, I encourage you to feel your emotions and notice the accompanying stories. How can you reframe the thoughts so that they lead you to a better feeling place? Just for today, breathe through those big feelings and acknowledge them. Make the conscious choice to feel better and allow your brain and body to start moving you in that direction.

Try this idea on for size as you go through your day. Email me your questions or experiences with it, I’d love to hear from you. And if you want to chat in person, click here to sign up for a free 1 hr phone consultation. And please feel free to share this blog with your colleagues!

How to Move Beyond Anger and Frustration

Do you think of emotions like anger and fear as negative?
Do you beat up on yourself for getting mad and frustrated at work?
Do you feel stuck in a cycle of anger and frustration, venting to feel temporarily better but not able to sustain that improved emotional outlook?

I have struggled with being in the seemingly never ending cycle of anger and frustration as I faced the emotional burden of our profession.

I would like to share a talk from Susan David, Ph.D. that speaks to the idea of emotional agility – the ability to experience and use the whole range of emotions we have access to without getting stuck in any particular emotional setting.

I found this discussion, encouraging and enlightening, as well as giving definable action steps that we can take to strengthen our relationship with our emotions.

I have shared it before, but am sharing it again as I find myself going back to it often. It is about 15 minutes long, but well worth your time.

Here is the link to the VIDEO:
2017 TEDWomen Conference: ‘The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage‘ – Susan David, Ph.D.
https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_the_gift_and_power_of_emotional_courage?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_content=talk&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare&utm_term=social-science

Once you have watched it, please let me know how it impacted you.

Embracing Your Grief

How can you embrace ALL the feelings that come from losing a beloved pet, and/or support a client moving through their grieving journey?

Is it possible to consider the experience of grief as a blessing? One that provides the incredible gift of expanding your ability to cope with everything that comes-up when moving through the pain of loss.

Check out the latest episode of the Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success to understand how you can reframe your feelings surrounding journeying through the death and dying process.

Please feel free to reach out to me anytime if you want to explore these thoughts at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com.

And as always, you can set up a 1:1 call with me to discuss what you are wanting to create in your life at https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm!