Heal ThySELF DVM – Heal ThySELF DVM

Until Next Time…

Today is the last blog I will write for awhile.

I have been doing weekly blogs or videos for about 3 yrs now. I have been through many life changes during that time, and have learned and grown a lot.

I have written blogs at the last minute and I have had them ready to go weeks in advance. I have been disappointed when no one commented and I have been soothed, knowing that my words may have comforted or nudged someone into action, even without me knowing.

You see, this project was borne out of my desire to help my colleagues navigate the emotional toll of this profession. It came at a time when there was no acknowledgement that there is a real issue with our profession and our mental health. I wanted to change that.

I believe that my words helped, in a cosmic energetic way, to bring light to this subject.

I know that this blog has helped me heal, learn more about myself and truly ground my beliefs into an unshakable faith in myself.

I hope this blog has helped you navigate your days, as well, whether in the profession or not. We are all humans, and we deal with the same core issues – wanting to be happy, healthy and fulfilled.

For now, then, it is goodbye, but it is because other things are calling my attention. It is a really exciting time for me and I see others stepping up to the plate to continue the discussion! They may not use my words, but for now, my job of using my voice to make the profession and the world a better place is done in this venue.

I am not going away forever. I will still post when I have something to say, I will not stay silent if I know there is something worth saying.

Thank you for giving me your most valuable asset, your time, and reacting, sharing and commenting on my posts. I am truly blessed to have had this opportunity.

To those who are in my inner circle on this adventure –Jana, Teri and Lena -thank you for your unwavering support and expertise. I could not have created Heal ThySELF, DVM as easily as I did without you.

To everyone reading this I have one last request: Please take the time to take care of yourself. We give so much to others that we must fiercely refill our cups so that we don’t run on empty. Love yourself, love your family and friends and love your job. Love allows for sustainability.

Till next time, remember that even if you do not believe it today:
YOU are a rockstar and an amazing, unique individual who is needed and loved by many.

Namaste.

Are You Picking Up the Wrong Poop?

Picking up after our dogs is unconditional love, for sure!

Just a really quick reminder today:
We choose whether to pick up other people’s emotional poop!

Picking up and taking on other people’s emotional poop is NOT your job. Just leave it at your feet and walk on by!

Have a great day and choose wisely what you pick up and carry with you.

Count Your Blessings

This week, for me, has been all about seeing the blessings in my life.

I have been taking the time to notice things like:
~ the string of green lights I hit as I drive
~ the compliment I received
~ a text from a friend that makes me smile

These are gifts from the Universe to let me know I am loved and supported.

When I spend my day looking for the blessings, I can’t take time to be caught up in the drama or the frustrations of the day. When you notice the blessings, the momentum starts to swing that direction and it gets increasingly easier to stay in that place of gratitude.

When I was first introduced to this idea of seeing the little things that go my way, I was VERY skeptical on several levels. First, I didn’t believe anything went my way; and second, I felt really silly for believing this exercise could change my day.

But I have to say, I was WRONG on both counts! You experience countless little blessings every day, and by noticing them, your day can change from frustrating to smooth and flowing. It can feel contrived at first for sure, but after awhile it becomes second nature.

I like to think of the blessings as winks and nods from the Universe that I am loved and supported, even when I may be doubting that very idea.

Give it a try! Look for the small blessings in your day when you need a pick me up or when you are feeling stressed. There are countless ways you are supported in this life, and acknowledging the everyday blessings allows you to realign yourself with the amazing person you really are and the gifts that you bring to the table.

High Quality Questions for the Win

Last week we talked about how to see life’s events as happening FOR you to grow, not TO you to beat you down.

This week, we can explore how asking yourself high quality questions can support that new outlook on life.

Many of us have learned to ask ourselves questions like:
Why is this happening to me?
-or-
Why do I always have to deal with angry clients?

Those questions are low quality questions, because there is NO answer that you can find that will lead you to feel better and be empowered. The typical answers to those questions usually involve statements about your stupidity, failure or incompetence.

But, if you can ask yourself a question that leads to curiosity, possibility and an improved self worth… Well, then the world opens up to you!

Some examples of high quality questions are:
– What can I learn from this situation that allows me to be a stronger person
– What boundaries do I want to set so that the client’s bad attitude does not affect me?
– How can this situation, as stressful as it may be, allow me to know I am valued?

So, in order to see life as happening FOR you, not TO you, use high quality questions to activate the curiosity of your mind, to find answers that lift you up and empower you to success!

Life Happens For You NOT To You!

I have heard this statement A LOT recently, and so I thought I’d share it with you, as I believe it is a powerful way to reframe our experiences.

When I googled ‘life happens for you, not to you’ to see who to attribute it to; names like Brene Brown, Tyler Perry, Jim Carrey and Tony Robbins appeared – which I consider a strong line up of successful people who are working to do ‘good’ in this world. So hey, why not think more like them…right?

The underlying theme to this statement, for me, is that I CANNOT control what happens to me, but I CAN control how I react to it.

The challenges that life throws at me – the angry clients; the 4th euthanasia of the day; the staff member who walks out in the middle of their shift – all of these challenges are there to help me grow and become a more emotionally enlightened person. One who is able to consciously move through life, instead of being blown about in the wind.

I want to respond to life, not react to life! How about you? I feel so powerful when I can consciously choose how I want to respond to events in my day. The alternative is letting my emotions react in ways that cause me to feel helpless, sad or angry.

If I can be curious and ask what does this situation do FOR me instead of TO me, I can see the blessings in the trial. How can I move through this event and be more powerful, more insightful, more loving?

How can I see the 4th euthanasia of the day as a gift – a way that life happens FOR me?:
Perhaps it is showing me the teamwork in the office.
-or-
The abundance of love in the world.
-or-
The strength of my ability to hold space for clients to grieve in their own way.
-or-
The honor of helping a patient cross over.

Perhaps it also highlights areas that I could reframe my thinking when I feel like life is happening TO me?
Like if I’m overwhelmed at the thought of losing my heart animal some day.
-or-
If I’m thinking, ‘Why is this always happening on my shift!”
-or-
If I feel pressured to make everything go perfectly.

We don’t need to brush aside all of the deep emotions we feel in a day. They are important reminders of how vast our emotional range is, and they can be used as beacons to point us in the direction of new beliefs that allow us to feel better.

So, my colleagues – it is ALWAYS our choice. We can see challenges as happening FOR us and continue to find peace and happiness in this profession, or we can see challenges as happening TO us, and struggle.

I encourage you to ask the question “Why could this be happening FOR my best interest?” the next time you face a challenge. That question, even if you only think about it for a moment, is the beginning of feeling powerful and in charge of your life. Dedication to asking that question daily will strengthen your ability to be a conscious creator of your life, and reap all the rewards available to you. I’d love to hear how you implement this idea in your own work life.

If you have questions about how to make this shift in your perspective from life happening TO you to life happening FOR you, please make an appointment by clicking here and select a time we can talk!

“We Don’t Need Self-Care, We Need Boundaries”

“We Don’t Need Self-Care, We Need Boundaries” is an article written by Pooja Lakshmin, MD in the October 2018 edition of Op-Med: Voices from the Doximity Network.

A theme I hear over and over again when talking with my colleagues is our lack of boundaries. We say yes to everything and everyone and yet are depleted emotionally and physically by it. I’m going to keep my say in this matter short this week so you have time to read and digest this article.

It hit home for me and reinforced what I have come to believe:
Self-care is not an indulgence! It is sometimes difficult work of learning how to say NO without the accompanying guilt and shame. Setting boundaries for better living is self-care at it’s best!

Please read the article (linked here) and let me know how this idea could be implemented in your life and how it would feel to have better boundaries?

Life Lessons from an Orchid

I do not consider myself to have a green thumb, and for this, my grandma would be disappointed – she could grow anything. My belief started in grade school when every year we planted some sort of seedling in styrofoam cups for Arbor Day. Mine always sprouted, but quickly got some sort of stem rot and died. I felt embarrassed, and a failure, and one of the beliefs I adopted was “I can’t grow things.”

(BTW – do you see just how easily and quickly a belief is born? A belief that can mould and affect the way you present yourself in the world? Just food for thought!)

With that belief in mind, I have generally avoided being responsible for plant life. I might plant things outside, because I can then blame mother nature and the rabbits when it doesn’t grow. But inside… I have never had an indoor plant because of that childhood experience.

Fast forward many many years and someone gifted me an orchid! OMG the pressure! Here’s this plant, depending on me to nurture it. Here’s this person who gifted it to me (totally unaware of my fear of failure around plants) who is happily sharing her love of plants with me. Here’s me, feeling all the pressure and really wanting to “just keep it alive” let alone growing.

Oy, the pressure. But you know what? Four months later and it is still alive, and actually rather healthy as demonstrated by it blooming for a second time!

What did I do? Well, after doing quite a bit of research I picked a place for it, water it once a week, consciously tell it how beautiful it is every day and appreciate it. Otherwise, I let it alone. I don’t worry about it. I don’t criticize the roots for looking pale. I don’t complain that it is not symmetric. I just let it be.

Hmmmm…… I gave it what it needed (sunshine, water, warmth, love) and allowed it to do its own thing. And it blossomed. And grew.

What if we all did this more in our relationships with ourselves and others? Wouldn’t it feel good to have a relationship where you gave authentic support and love, and then step back and let the magic happen? That orchid knows how to grow and bloom. It has all that knowledge locked up inside of its genetics. So do you. So does your partner.

What if we all give ourselves what we are most wanting – love and nurturing – and just watch how we grow and blossom? If we stop the nagging, the bullying and the self sabotage look what will happen – we will become a more beautiful version of ourselves. Pretty cool, huh?

So, my suggestion is that we all give ourselves what we most want others to give to us (love, understanding, compassion), and see how that creates new growth and beauty in our lives. I suspect you might be surprised at the outcome.

And as far as that belief I have about not being able to grow things, well, it is still there, but it sure is a lot smaller and quieter than it was a few months ago. My ego still points out it’s only been a few months of success and doom is sure to happen, but… I just smile and enjoy my beautiful orchid.

Let’s Save Ourselves First

**TRIGGER WARNINGS**
Animal death, Death or Dying, Self-harm and Suicide, Eating disorders, Body hatred

It was spring of 2013. I had been a veterinarian for 23 yrs. I was tired, disillusioned and stuck. I was only doing the vet job because I was too lazy to try anything else.

I hated what my life had become:
Go to work, get beat up by emotional events, needy clients, endless death and dying.

Then I would go home, sit in the bathroom in the dark with the heater on and let the hum of the heater drown out my inner thoughts. Thoughts which made my eyes tear up and my heart race. Thoughts which made me feel useless and stupid. Thoughts like, “You are dying in this job! This job is killing you! You are stupid! You are a failure!”

As I moved to the bed to go to sleep, I’d grab a bag of cookies or Doritos and eat til it was empty. Then I’d close my eyes, feeling totally alone and overwhelmed, and cry. I would hold the exhalation between my sobs as long as I could–I didn’t want to inhale and face another breath–another round of self incriminations. I’d fall asleep in my clothes and in my tears.

I’d wake up and do it all again…

One particular week I remember having many euthanasias, and each one of them tore me apart. I wasn’t able to handle the grief and distress of the owners or the pain and suffering of the animal. I called into work one day and told the receptionist that I would not come in to work IF there was a euthanasia on the schedule. I had hit my wall. I could not do it again. NOT AGAIN!

The weight of the emotional toll this job took on me was crushing. I am not sure how I got over that week; I suspect mostly I just took the weekend to sleep and push all the emotions down, so that I could be ready for Monday.

I was ready for Monday, but I wasn’t healed. That took a much longer journey of self discovery and prioritizing my mental health. But what that week showed me is that the emotional toll this job can take, whether it is euthanasias, over filled schedules, long hours or being stressed about money, is REAL.

I understand the blogs and posts I read from my colleagues which implore clients to be nice to us and to thank us.

I understand the feelings of my colleagues who say they are the type of people to never say no to an animal in need.

I understand the desire to heal every animal that crosses our path and to beat ourselves up when we can’t.

BUT… I disagree that is has to be that way. I disagree that it is ‘just who we are.’ I believe each of us has the power to be healthy and happy in this profession.

What I found had to happen for me to survive this profession was to prioritize my mental health, and create a foundation of beliefs that allow me to shed the stress more easily and in healthy ways.

I believe I have choices in how I move through my day. When faced with something that creates anger or resentment, I have a choice. I can honor those feelings and find a resolution that allows me to feel better. For example: I can say “No, I cannot see another patient today.” OR I can ask myself why I feel anger over the situation and find a way to resolve that idea so that I can say yes with a clear heart and mind. Saying yes with underlying resentment or anger chips away at our mental health and our enjoyment of life.

I don’t believe we need to suffer as veterinarians and veterinary staff. I believe the answers to still doing all we do for pets lies in learning how to deal with our emotions in a timely and healthy manner. We can still save all the animals, but we must save ourselves first.

We each need to learn the emotional intelligence skills we SHOULD HAVE learned as children, but too often were told things like, “Get over it! Ignore it! Don’t be mad! Be nice to your sister!”, etc. with no acknowledgement that those feelings were real and based in a belief we had. IF we had been taught to examine our beliefs and behaviors like we were taught the times tables, we all would be better now.

What makes you mad at work? What beliefs create that anger for you? Do you say “yes” but feel resentful and angry? Do you say “yes“, even though you know you are on the edge and need to say “No!”?

Dealing with sickness, death, distraught clients, and scared patients can be a burden. But it can also be uplifting, life affirming and self-motivating. It depends on your outlook.

So I encourage you, my colleagues, to keep saving all the animals you feel called to, but please, do it in a healthy way so that we can all benefit from your magnificent, shining, unique rockstar self!

If you would like to talk with me more about this, or if you are having trouble navigating this profession in a balanced, healthy way, please reach out to me. I am offering a free one-on-one call to get to know each other a bit and illuminate the amazing person that you are and the skills that you want to learn. Then, if it feels good to us, you can sign up for a package of (8) weekly, 60 minute calls that will guide you on creating the life that you want.

You will learn to see that the beliefs that are causing you pain can be changed. You will see yourself as the strong, powerful, successful person that you are.

I believe in you. I believe in your strength and your wisdom.

Self-Care is Not Selfish

Today, I am urging you to gift yourself with at least ONE Act-of-Kindness. Self-care is so very important to put into daily practice. If we don’t take care of ourselves we are not able to sustain our role as a healer and giver.

We must keep ourselves “full” so that we can give to others.

So today, and every day, please do the little things that make you feel more you. An extra 10 minutes enjoying your morning coffee on the deck, a few minutes outside at lunch time to breath deep and enjoy the view, saying no to squeezing in that extra appointment, saying yes to a girlfriend’s night out. Simple things that can make all the difference.

Larger acts like massages, manicures, and vacations can also refuel you. But please don’t put off the little daily things that can easily be skipped in our hectic lives!

Let me know what you do for self-care today!

UNMASKED

One of the beliefs I live by is that ‘I always do my best’; which is one of the agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, a Toltec Wisdom Book. I give myself that gift every day, and it definitely helps get me through those draining days.

Today’s blog is about me, ‘doing the best I can’, writing something for you!

My new job is a big change for me! Although I love it and feel welcomed and supported, it is totally different than the last job of 13 years. My body needs to adjust to the new schedule. Our bodies are the receptacle of the emotional baggage we carry from our lives, and they demonstrate it as dis-ease (aches/pains/illness). My monkey mind (that part that is tasked with keeping me safe) is unsure about this new experience, and is working hard to keep me “safe”. It’s trying to convince me that I have made a mistake in taking this new job by showing me a load of totally imagined, horrible things that could go wrong in the future; even though the present is going really well.

My body is caught between my monkey mind, my affirmations and firm belief that this is actually good for me, and a new demanding schedule. My body responds to the monkey mind by showing me where I don’t feel good – for me, it shows up with a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders, which unfortunately, triggers a migraine.

I tell you all of this today, because my word for the year is UNMASKED. *Disclaimer* I am not sure, as I write this, if I found the term ‘unmasked’ from Brené Brown’s newest book, Dare to Lead, or if it was from Byron Katie’s newest book, A Mind at Home with Itself: How Asking Four Questions Can Free Your Mind, Open Your Heart, and Turn Your World Around? To be honest, I don’t have the energy to check which one it was. And that, my friends, is me being UNMASKED! I don’t have all the answers, and I am going through things…just like you are. What I do have is an unshakable faith in myself and the Universe that I do have the skills and knowledge to move through this uncomfortable time, and come out the other side even stronger.

Today’s blog about how I am doing, is the best I can do today! I have a certain amount of time right now to write for you, and this is the best I can do. My hope is that it shows you a glimpse into how I view the relationship of my monkey mind (ego – that part that is only there to keep me safe), my beliefs and my physical body. It is a triad that is cosmically set up to inform me of what is in my best interest, and where I want to go.

As I allow my body and monkey mind to reflect beliefs I no longer need by trying to scare me about future happenings and triggering a migraine, I share this thought with you:

I always do the best I can, and I know I am in the right place at the right time. And…I will be so much more of me when I get to the other side of this!

Tell me, what are you going through today?
What is your monkey mind trying to tell you today? Is it true?
Is your monkey mind trying to scare you with future scenarios?
How is your body feeling today? Is there something you could do to show it that you are listening to it, and love it, even when it seems to be failing you?

As I end this blog about my humanity and UNMASK myself in front of all of you, I encourage you to do the same (at least privately). Explore what your monkey mind is trying to save you from, and how your body is reacting to those beliefs. How do you want to feel, and what beliefs would serve you better?

Let me know how these ideas resonate with you by commenting below!