I was reeling all day from two back-to-back cases that had me questioning myself and my profession.  The first case was a dog I had been seeing for about 1-month with a left hind lameness that seemed to be a cruciate injury. However, a swelling developed near its hock, so it was brought in for a recheck.  As I palpated the swelling my heart sank.

What if this was the real reason for the lameness and I had missed it? I started to hear white noise, I couldn’t form words and my heart was pounding in my ears as I heard the damning words in my head that I am stupid! I need to quit! I’m going to be sued for malpractice!  Stupid stupid stupid!

The radiographs confirmed my worst fears – cancer with spread to the chest. If I had found the swelling earlier the dog might have a better prognosis. Shame on me!!

The second case was a cat that had been seen about 6-weeks ago for inappropriate urination. An initial work up indicated a medical condition, but the problem was not resolved and after several phone calls and other treatments the owners brought the cat in to be euthanized. I was furious as I walked into the appointment. How could anyone do that to their cat over this?  Without even trying everything we recommended.

My anger was radiating out of me as I chastised the clients for even asking me to do this. My hands were clenched in fists and I was leaning over the exam table talking to them with short, clipped sentences so that I would not explode on them. How dare they put me in this position? How can I euthanize this cat?  The tape in my head was screaming at me that life is so unfair, these people are cruel and ignorant, and I’ll never sleep tonight cause this cat will be haunting me!  Unfair, Unfair Unfair!

There was no use even trying to sleep last night. I was depleted and exhausted, but my mind was racing with all the mistakes I had made in the first case and all the self righteousness of the second case.  A couple of gin and tonics later and after watching mindless TV, I did fall asleep to horrible dreams and woke up with the covers pulled firmly over my head.  It is not going to be a good day today either.

OR…….

I had a trying day yesterday.   

Two cases allowed me to reaffirm my belief that I do the best I can but I do make mistakes.  They also allowed me to reaffirm my belief in creating safe boundaries for myself and my staff.

The first case was a dog I had been seeing for about 1-month with a left hind lameness that seemed to be a cruciate injury.  However, a swelling developed near its hock, so it was brought in for a recheck.  As I palpated the swelling my heart sank. What if this was the real reason for the lameness and I missed it? My voice was a little shaky as I admitted that I had not seen this swelling before, and that while I didn’t think it was there, I could have possibly missed it.  I was feeling jittery in my body and I had a huge lump in the back of my throat as I discussed the next steps. Did I miss this? Maybe. Maybe I didn’t do a thorough exam each time I saw her. I made a mental note to be sure I wasn’t getting rushed or lazy during exams.  Then I moved on to create a plan for the next steps.

The second case was a cat that had been seen about 6-weeks ago for inappropriate urination. An initial work up indicated a medical condition, but the problem was not resolved and after several phone calls and other treatments the owners brought the cat in to be euthanized.  I could hear and feel the owners’ distress. They felt backed into a corner and euthanasia was the only option they could see. I held my body tall and straight as I talked with them. My voice was a little shaky and my palms were sweating. I knew that I would NOT be performing the euthanasia today, but wondered if I had the ability to communicate well with the owners.  I had a blunt discussion with the owners about my decision and expressed my understanding, but not agreement, with their decision. The owners temper flared a little at first, but I offered options that included euthanasia at another hospital, just not here, with me.

They decided to take the cat to a relative’s house where it could live outside, yet be very loved. But later that day, they came back and agreed to the full work up I had recommended.  They thanked me for my honesty and I thanked them for their commitment to their cat and their trust in us. I felt so strong after the first interaction with them. I listened to my inner voice and set a clear boundary. I allowed my young technician to see that I value her mental health as well. In the end, as I wait on test results, I do not know what will happen in the future to this cat. But for now, I feel strong and so proud that I set the boundary in a way that allowed both parties to be heard and understood.

Last night I went to bed exhausted but intact.  I did have some very vivid dreams that I will be thinking about today, but I feel rested and ready to see how today goes.  I have the day off and so am up and moving early to enjoy my day.

It is your choice, you choose the stories that define your life.

I have found that acknowledging how I feel helps.  Just saying that today sucked, that I want to scream (and then do it!), that I am devastated by current events helps those feelings to subside a little which gives me breathing room.

Breathing room.  Take the time to acknowledge your emotions and breathe through them.  

Big emotions can feel scary and we tend to want to push them down and ignore them in the belief that they will go away or that looking at them will overwhelm us.  But emotions are a useful tool for examining your thoughts and beliefs.

One way to turn a belief on its head is to realize that no experience has meaning until you assign it one.

For example: we all know that some people meet the personal diagnosis of cancer with acceptance and the belief that their life still has meaning and go on to achieve great things.  Others can never move past the anger, hurt and fear of it. The diagnosis of cancer was the same, but the meaning assigned to it was different.

I use this tenant “no experience has meaning until you assign it one” often in my day.  Feeling the big emotions of diagnosing acute renal failure or hemangiosarcoma can be overwhelming.  But maybe there is a story to tell, a meaning to assign to this, that will allow me to feel a little better about it.  

I get to allow the clients to find their way through the process with dignity, grace and as much serenity as they can. The client gets to heal previous experiences with terminally ill pets, or maybe even family.  I might learn new techniques or meet new doctors who become part of my “go to referral team.” It is all in how you can frame the experience.

So, I encourage you to feel your emotions and notice the accompanying stories.  How can you reframe the thoughts so that they lead you to a better feeling place?  Just for today, breathe through those big feelings and acknowledge them. Make the conscious choice to feel better and allow your brain and body to start moving you in that direction.  

Try this idea on for size as you go through your day.  Email me your questions or experiences with it, I’d love to hear from you.  And if you want to chat in person, click here to sign up for a free 1 hr phone consultation. And please feel free to share this blog with your colleagues!

During today’s ‘Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success’ I discuss an experience I had this week at work which highlights the need for us to find the lies we tell ourselves.

If we can find the lies we tell ourselves, we can find the truths as well.  Watch the video and let me know how you create resilience in your day.

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If you are ready to make a change in your life, make sure you sign up for the FREE 60 minute consultation with me here:
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Colleagues who work with me find the keys within themselves to unlock their intuitive knowledge of what thoughts and beliefs to shift to gain the happiness they deserve both in and out of the office. It is truly amazing to witness the growth in their confidence in handling the situations that used to throw them off the tracks.

Make 2018 the time you say “I deserve every happiness I can imagine at work and at home.”

Can’t wait to chat with you!

“Is this piece of paper I just knocked on the floor going to levitate back up to me, or just stay on the floor today?”

What would happen if you took a cue from our cat friends, and approached the interactions in your life as if you didn’t know what would happen next? Can you imagine having conversations free of expectations, assumptions, and generalities? Is that even possible?

Test it out….

What if in EVERY conversation and interaction you have with your clients or even family members, you just decided to be open and present to them? Can you imagine how it would feel if people came to YOU without any of their preconceived notions?

Check out the latest episode of the Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success to learn how you can begin playing with the concept of testing gravity in your everyday interactions, much like a cat does.

Take the time to test out this idea today, and let me know how it goes! You can reach out to me directly at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com.

As always, you can set up a 1:1 call with me to explore what you are wanting to create in your life at  https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm!

In a flash I had some thoughts on how I CAN do this every day and I wanted to share them with you.  

Take a look at the latest episode of Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success to dive in.

Let me know if these thoughts help you to put our world into perspective and maybe even help you to feel empowered. You can reach me at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com .

First, a little background discussion about emotions.  We have typically labeled emotions as good or bad, but I believe all emotions are good. They point us in the directions we want to go.  When we feel sad it is an invitation to find thoughts that feel better to move toward contentment, or hopefulness, for example.   

Anger is an emotion that feels better than hopelessness or sadness.  Anger has movement to it — we are often physically agitated, we use our breath and voices more, our hearts beat faster — all forms of movement. Movement usually feels better than stasis – hopelessness or overwhelm; where you want to be still and curled up in a ball.  

The question to ask yourself is: WHY am I angry?  And the answer cannot be based on someone else’s actions or words.  What the person did or said is not important, the important thing is how it made you feel and WHY.  Let’s look at a possible scenario:

Client comes in with a sick dog.  Not life threatening but definitely in need of medical assistance.  You make recommendations. Client declines all, just wants a shot of antibiotic for the dog.  You get increasingly angry at their refusal to do anything else.

Why are you angry?  What is the underlying belief that you have that is causing you to get angry?

Are you angry because in declining, they imply you don’t have the right answers?  You believe you are an imposter or a liar.  

Are you angry because you believe that their declining of your recommendations shows that you lack the ability to communicate effectively? You are a failure.  

Are you angry because you feel the animal is helpless and you are their only hope? You are helpless.

We can see from these possibilities that anger is often the outward expression of denying other lower emotions or beliefs – helplessness, failure, incompetence, sadness, frustration.

If you can name the underlying reason why you are angry, then it is possible to play with it and diffuse it by changing your thoughts.  This can be done in the safety of your home so that you can be a little more prepared the next time anger wells up inside of you.

There are many ways to let go of the underlying beliefs and we will explore them in the coming weeks.  

Today I want you to play with the idea that you always do your best.  That statement is simple, you say. Of course I always do my best!  But how often do you beat yourself up for not knowing something, or having an animal die unexpectedly, or believing you missed something on an exam?  We do it all the time.  But if we truly believe that we always do our best, then there is no reason for beating ourselves up.  

That negative self talk has no place in our brain.  You always do your best. Yes, you cannot know everything.  Yes, mother nature sometimes has her own plans.  Yes, you may have missed something on an exam, but it doesn’t mean you didn’t do your best.  It means you are human.  And it means there is always more to learn.  That’s it.  In every situation there is always more to learn-even when the outcomes are terrific and defy the odds-there is something to learn.

And, let’s flip that statement around to the staff, the clients, the public.  Everyone always does their best!  The place that understanding and compassion comes from is realizing that their best is not necessarily in line with what you would do.  And that is ok.  It is their best.  There is no reflection whatsoever on you. You did your best – examining, diagnosing, creating the treatment plan, doing the surgery, etc.  There is no reflection on you no matter what they chose to do and no matter the outcome. If you believe that you did your best then there can be no judgments and no negative self talk.

So, one way to diffuse the anger is to adopt the belief that you always do your best. I give you permission to say this!  Give yourself permission as well. The outcome is not in your hands. There is nothing else that can be asked of you but to do your best.  Learn, grow, explore yes, but no beating up on yourself.  

You are a rockstar bad ass veterinarian and you always do your best.

The key to affirmations is that they need to be stated in a positive way and they need to resonate or mean something to you.

So first-keep them positive-no negative words like not, don’t, won’t, never etc. Instead use words like always, am, and do.

So for example a poorly worded affirmation is:

I am not responsible for how others feel.

The reason this is a poorly worded one is the word not. Interestingly, your brain does not recognize the word not, it hears “I am responsible for how others feel” which is absolutely untrue. And, another reason is that we always want to put positive thoughts into the world.

So a better way to frame the affirmation is:

I am at peace with knowing that I am only responsible for my emotions. Others are responsible for their own.

See the difference? Say the poorly worded one and the better one out loud and notice the difference in your body. Which makes you feel better?

Affirmations can be used in many ways, but one of the simplest is to repeat them out loud multiple times a day. And for more power, say them while looking at yourself in a mirror. So, SO transformative then. Saying them adds POWER. It makes believing them easier. Try it and see! You can create them yourself but I will give you a few to try on and see how they feel.

Affirmations:

I am at peace knowing that I am only responsible for MY emotions. Others are responsible for theirs.

I am a Rock Star Bad Ass Veterinarian!

I am beautiful inside and out.

I move through my day with ease and confidence.

I do my best every day and in every way.

Try writing your own affirmations. I’d love to hear what you create and how they transform your life at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com

Now, granted it is a little airbrushed and wind machine aided hollywood style but look at the stance. It embodies to me an easy confidence in herself. Her shoulders are back, her back is strong, her core is strong yet exposed, and her eyes are soft yet focused on what’s in front of her.

It has been shown that our body posture reflects our emotions. When we are sad or depressed we tend to slouch, round our shoulders, look down, not make eye contact, talk softly. When we are mad we are standing tall, leaning forward, muscles tense, eyes laser focused, brows furrowed.

The cool thing is that our body can create our emotions! Yep! All those synapses that create our posture also hold the keys to our emotions. Holding our body in certain ways creates emotion, thoughts and habitual ways of acting.

So this week, I want you to first notice how you hold yourself throughout the day. How do you stand when feeling confident? How about when a client is questioning you? How about when a cute puppy or kitten comes in? Notice how your body stance changes, your facial muscles feel, your back feels.

Now, practice your version of Wonder Woman. We’ll call her Wonder Vet!!!!!! Stand tall but relaxed, shoulder blades rolled back and down, weight going down through the ground, eyes focused but soft allowing you to see peripherally, and feel your breath expanding in your core, your abdomen.

I encourage you to practice your Wonder Vet stance in the privacy of your home and then take her out with you! When you are delivering a diagnosis, an estimate, a treatment plan, stand in your body’s version of confidence and strength and see the difference it can make in the way the information is given and received. I think you will find it a wonderful experiment!

When someone attacks us verbally, or makes comments about us to others, it is so easy to fall into the trap of taking it personally.

What does taking it personally mean?  It means that we make the comment about us, we put meaning to it that satisfies our need to be right, our need to be safe and our need to defend ourselves (thank you monkey mind).  When we take something personally we are assuming that we know what the other person meant and wanted us to feel.  But, can we ever know what someone else is truly thinking?  

Taking things personally, making it about us, is a great way to create drama, emotion and stress where there may not need to be any.  Let’s look at an example.

We hear someone say that “we are just in it for the money, we are gouging clients”.  Right away our hackles go up and we are ready for a fight.  But this only happens if we have taken it personally.  If we have allowed their comment to affect our belief in ourselves or affect how we believe others think about us.  

If you can allow that first flush of anger wash over you and through you and take a step back from it, you can see where maybe, the comment is a reflection of THAT person’s beliefs and practices, not yours.  Perhaps THAT person feels some sort of conflict about charging clients, their clients’ ability to afford them, their own finances and debt etc.

Or a client tells us that we don’t know what we are talking about, they found real info on Google.  If we take that comment personally then we are insulted, miffed, angry and that can spiral out of control over the days and weeks we keep replaying the comment in our head.  But what if, when they say that, we can allow it to wash over us and not land inside us? What if we can recognize that they are entitled to their belief about me, but it has nothing to do with me!  

I know myself, and I don’t need to take their opinion of me into consideration.  I can then end the appt with allowing them to go on their way, find another Vet they can feel better about and I can move on.  Not taking things personally also sometimes means that I have to let go of the need to be right and the need to be the right person for everyone.  

So I encourage all of you to practice taking a step back whenever you hear anything that flares your defensive, emotional muscles.  Take a breath. Ask yourself “ How could what I just heard have nothing to do with me?”  “What would I be like if I knew that others’ opinions do not matter to me?”

How would it feel to not react in anger the next time you are confronted?  Not taking things personally allows you to find a thought, a solution that makes sense to you instead of getting caught on an emotional merry go round that you cannot get off.  

It doesn’t mean that you are ignoring the situation.  It simply means that you have moved past the monkey mind induced negative emotions into the realm of self-care and finding solutions that allow you to feel better.

Please let me know how not taking things personally allows you to be more of the person you know you are.  How does your day flow when things roll more easily off your back?

You can contact me via pamela@healthyselfdvm.com or set up a personal free 1 on 1 chat about this by visiting my scheduling site.  And, as always, continue to be the wonderful, compassionate rock star badasses that I know you all are!