I hate to fail. I don’t like to think of myself as a failure. I hate when I overpromise and underdeliver. And that is exactly what I am doing this week with this blog.
I had planned on sharing another blog about boundaries, this one from a different perspective to last week’s. I had it all planned out in my head. It was going to be good. It was going to make you salivate with excitement and possibilities! And it was halfway down on paper and then… then I didn’t finish it (wuh, wuh). I put too much on my plate (new and exciting ideas I wanted to play with while they were fresh so I could bring them to you), and it all got in the way of finishing this week’s boundaries blog.
So, here I sit with a choice. I can beat myself up and pull an all-nighter to get the blog done and out today, but know it won’t be the best because I don’t work well under that kind of pressure.
Or I could skip a week and not share any new ideas that might inspire you this week. Not what I like to do with my colleagues.
Or I could write a blog about my failure, and in doing so, learn from it and let you experience working through the angst of feeling like a failure. In failing to finish the originally planned blog, I created a chance to learn about myself. I created the chance to be vulnerable. I created the chance to learn what it is that makes us human.
I played with the idea that I failed. What story did I tell myself? In the veterinary field we are all highly motivated, results-oriented people. Lives depend on us — whether actual life and death situations, or keeping the doors open and paying staff.
What words do you hear when you have failed at something? Do you hear “I am stupid” or “I am lazy” or “I am a failure”?
Take a minute and consider if these things are true.
Are you stupid? I bet you can find evidence that you aren’t.
Are you lazy? Look at your calendar and I am sure you can see that you aren’t.
Are you a failure? Well, when asked directly like that, it is very obvious that you are not a failure.
You succeed despite having setbacks. You know that even when things don’t work out the way you wanted, you will survive. You are a rockstar badass who continues to learn and move forward with grace and compassion.
And, another important point I want to make here. Any words that follow “I am” are extremely important and influence your beliefs about yourself. So when you say, “I am a failure” or “I am depressed” or “I am sad” you can start to take on those qualities as a full-time persona. Your brain hears those words and says, “Ok. You are sad. Always. Here is how you will go through life.” So be very careful what words follow “I am.” Try inserting the word “feel”. As in “I feel sad.” Your brain interprets that very differently and allows it to be a transient emotion vs a way of life.
So, for today, I feel like I failed you. But I guess in failing, I actually was able to grow as a human and shed light on something that you may be grappling with as well. Failure. So this blog is experiential learning for me as well as for you. Failure is just a way to check in with how you talk to yourself and how you view life. Use the sense of failure as a challenge to grow. Admitting when you have failed and moving on with the lessons learned is powerful magic.
Let me know how you deal with failures. Please reach out to me if you want to explore new ways of framing failure in your own mind so that you can live the life of your dreams. I can be reached at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com.
Until next week!
