Veterinarians – Page 2 – Heal ThySELF DVM

Self-Care is Not Selfish

Today, I am urging you to gift yourself with at least ONE Act-of-Kindness. Self-care is so very important to put into daily practice. If we don’t take care of ourselves we are not able to sustain our role as a healer and giver.

We must keep ourselves “full” so that we can give to others.

So today, and every day, please do the little things that make you feel more you. An extra 10 minutes enjoying your morning coffee on the deck, a few minutes outside at lunch time to breath deep and enjoy the view, saying no to squeezing in that extra appointment, saying yes to a girlfriend’s night out. Simple things that can make all the difference.

Larger acts like massages, manicures, and vacations can also refuel you. But please don’t put off the little daily things that can easily be skipped in our hectic lives!

Let me know what you do for self-care today!

I’m Fine, How are You?

You are scared about your performance at work.
You are stressed by trying to keep the house cleaned up.
You are exhausted by the end of the day and fall asleep on the couch in your clothes.
You are frustrated with the kids when they ask simple questions.
You are overwhelmed wondering how you will get through this next year if something doesn’t change.

But you say…… “I’m fine.”

Why have we adopted this ‘correct’ answer to this question? We are so scared of admitting to ourselves, let alone to others, that we would like some help and support. We all need it, and usually daily, but we won’t even verbalize that we are anything other than fine.

One of the problems with everyone being ‘fine’ is that it reinforces the idea that I must be the only one that cannot handle things. We assume that everyone else really does have it figured out, and we beat ourselves up for not being as perfect as they are.

It continues to reinforce the idea that there must be something wrong with me if I am not anything other than on top of my game. And it creates a stigma around mental health that can prevent us from seeking counseling or therapy to help ourselves.

But how do we change this? I suggest that we need to be brave! We need to stop, and before just answering “I’m fine.”, we need to take a second and recognize how we are feeling. Then we need to tell someone. The answer to “How are you today?” can be rooted in gratefulness that someone asked. Give them the benefit of the doubt that they really DO want to know and will help you if they can.

If the question was asked by a stranger at a store, etc., sometimes I find myself answering “It’s a rough day, but it got better because you asked me that.” If I take 3 seconds to feel a connection with that person, it does make me feel better, and it is not dependent on that person at all. They often give me a quizzical look, and may not utter another word … but I feel better! And hopefully, my answer has given them permission to rethink their answer to the question the next time they are asked it.

If that question is asked by someone I know, I will be as truthful as I can be. Feeling safe discussing our emotions comes from within, and is a practice we can all cultivate.

Answering something like “I am sad today, but thank you for asking.” can feel liberating. It may start a conversation that feels good or at the very least you were honest with yourself and that is liberating.

You see, when you answer is always “I’m fine.” you are lying to yourself. That can become a habit which only stuffs your true emotions further and further down, which is JUST. NOT. HEALTHY.

Now, you do not need to give an hour long dissertation on all that is wrong in your life, but acknowledging that you are human gives freedom to others to do the same.

And, if you are asking the question, be open to hearing a different truthful answer. Sometimes just holding your heart open to an honest answer allows the other person to feel safe saying something other than the expected answer. You never know who needs that moment of kind connection.

So, if you don’t want to break the “I’m fine.” cycle for yourself, do it for someone else who needs to be reassured that they ‘are fine’ for having emotions, rough days, and a desire to be on a tropical island all by themselves!

So, my dear friends, how are you today?

Let me know in the comments or feel free to email me directly at Pamela@HealThyselfDVM.com .

Hey Ego, Is That You Talking to Me?

We all want to feel like we know what we are doing. Whether it is our diagnostic abilities, our venipuncture skills or our ability to communicate with clients … we all want to feel confident. But does that come from the outside (environment and feedback) or the inside (our own innate knowledge)?

These thoughts are coming up for me as I start a new job after 13 yrs at the previous hospital. Yikes! I have noticed thoughts like ‘I don’t really know what I am doing! They all know more than me! No one will like me! My people skills are poor!’,etc. On-and-on I hear those voices in my head. Why? Because I am doing something new and my ego doesn’t like it! It liked the old job where I felt comfortable and knew the staff, the clients, and how things worked.

Now? Now I don’t even know where the bathroom is without asking! This uncertainty sets off all my ego warning bells loudly. ‘Just go back to where you were comfy.’ The ego’s job is to keep me safe–safe from being eaten by a bear, as well as it’s 21st century job, of threats of any changes.

Did you know that the ego will jump in, even when you have a new thought about yourself? So many of us stay in situations that are not right for us and we don’t change, because at least it’s “the devil we know”. As soon as we even have a brief thought about changing our life somehow the ego goes into overdrive showing us all the things that could happen if we did that. ‘DANGER Will Robinson, Danger!!!! Don’t think that way. We don’t know how to do that safely. We don’t know who we will be if we think that way. We won’t know who we are if we go over there and do that. We’ll lose friends.’ So, all too often, sadly, we don’t change. We don’t change because it seems so difficult.

But the really cool thing is, the more you can give your ego a voice and realize it is just scaring you with the unknowable future misery that might befall you at some point if you “did” this thing, then it can actually become quieter. Tell your ego you hear it and appreciate it, but you ARE going to do this thing because it is something you want to try. Yes, you might fail, but you fail for sure if you don’t even try. (Affirmations, tapping and mirror work are some tools to quiet the self protective ego.)

So these last few weeks I have had many opportunities to practice what I preach. I left a really great job because the hour commute had finally become exhausting. I have found the next opportunity and I know it will be a great thing as well BUT my ego has been throwing her full force at me. She has said everything from ‘You are an imposter!’ to ‘You won’t fit in there.’ and saving the best for last, ‘No one will like you.’ It is amazing how quickly she can fill in any quiet time in my mind with scary thoughts aimed at keeping me safe and at my old job.

Where do you hear your ego talking to you? Is it at the job – trying to convince you of imposter syndrome or that everyone hates you? Is it in your wanting to feel better? Does it tell you things like ‘You are the shy one. You will never be popular. No one will ever love you.’?

When we can recognize these types of thoughts as those of the self protective ego’s work, then we have insight into how to quiet them. We cannot allow ourselves to believe the ego’s messages unless it is warning us about hot stoves, or dangerous social situations etc. But when it is talking about future events that might happen, or if it is talking about how you view yourself, most likely it is incorrect.

You are powerful beyond words and you are incredibly able and intelligent. And anyone, or anything that tells you otherwise, is lying.

So, learn to hear those thoughts from your ego, but tell yourself the real truth and latch onto that truth. These are skills that will take you from miserable and frustrated to happy and successful.

Because I feel so strongly about these issues, I am still offering a FREE one-on-one consultation call to get to know each other and outline the strengths that you already have on your side and your goals. Then, if it feels good to us, you can sign up for a package of (8) weekly 60-minute calls that will guide you on creating the life that you want.

You will learn to see the events in your life as stepping stones, not barriers. You will see yourself as the strong, powerful, successful person that you are.

I believe in you. I believe in your strength and your wisdom!

Stories Are the Key to Feeling Better

This post was originally posted in October but the topic of the stories we tell has been on my mind lately. Every experience we have is a story waiting to be told and we are the authors. Be aware of the stories you tell yourself as if they are facts. Our lives are fiction and we can erase and rewrite the chapters anytime we want. Please read on and find the meaning of your day in the story you tell.

I don’t know about you, but this last week or so has been very trying. The social and political happenings are really pressing on me and I feel more reactive than normal. This is the unfortunate 3rd anniversary of my dad’s passing and the 4th anniversary of Dr Sophia Yin’s passing which brought the mental health of this profession into the forefront. So I’m feeling a little frazzled.

(And in December, the CDC came out with a study confirming the high risk of suicide in Veterinarians!)

I have found that acknowledging how I feel helps. Just saying that today sucked, that I want to scream (and then do it!), or that I am devastated by current events helps those feelings to subside a little which gives me breathing room.

Breathing room. Take the time to acknowledge your emotions and breathe through them.

Big emotions can feel scary and we tend to want to push them down and ignore them in the belief that they will go away or that looking at them will overwhelm us. But emotions are a useful tool for examining your thoughts and beliefs.

One way to turn a belief on its head is to realize that no experience has meaning until you assign it one.

For example: we all know that some people meet the personal diagnosis of cancer with acceptance and the belief that their life still has meaning and go on to achieve great things. Others can never move past the anger, hurt and fear of it. The diagnosis of cancer was the same, but the meaning assigned to it was different.

I use this tenant “no experience has meaning until you assign it one” often in my day. Feeling the big emotions of diagnosing acute renal failure or hemangiosarcoma can be overwhelming. I might get mad at a clients’ decision or lack of communication with me. But maybe there is a story to tell, a meaning to assign to the experience that will allow me to feel a little better about it.

I often ask myself “why am I reacting so strongly to this situation?” Strong emotional reactions mean that something about the situation is at odds with a deeply held belief, even an unconscious one, about yourself. In those situations ask yourself “If I was the client, what would my belief be to have made that decision?” Often times I find the answer is something along the lines of “I would be embarrassed (feel guilty, feel ashamed, feel I let them down).”

When you can ask why YOU are upset with it, having nothing to do with the other person, vast areas of growth can be achieved. Your emotions are the compass to how closely aligned you are to your higher self and when there is discord you feel strong emotions. Don’t get focused on the other person. Ask what the emotion is trying to lead you to and tell a different story about the situation. We all get mad at other peoples’ actions but asking what it would mean if you did that action is a chance to take back your power and heal a wound.

So I encourage you to feel your emotions and notice the accompanying stories. How can you reframe the thoughts so that they lead you to a better feeling place? Just for today, breathe through those big feelings and acknowledge them. Make the conscious choice to feel better and allow your brain and body to start moving you in that direction.

Try this idea on for size as you go through your day. Email me your questions or experiences with it, I’d love to hear from you. And if you want to chat in person, click here to sign up for a free 1 hr phone consultation. And please feel free to share this Newsletter with your colleagues!

Drop Your Bags at the Door

When I was young, maybe 7 or 8, my mom used to take me clothes shopping for school. I remember going into the Colony Shop in the Altoona Mall and seeing all the beautiful dresses. I liked to walk around the displays with my eyes wide with all the colors, running my fingertips over the fabric and delighting in the ribbons and bows.

I loved looking at the dresses and imagining myself in them. How I would walk, and twirl and dance in them! It was so much fun. Then I would get to try the dresses on, and oh how big and special I would feel as I took that first look into the mirror. I would see myself in the perfect dress and feel like a princess. Everything was right with the world and then…

My Mom would look at me and say that it didn’t fit well enough and that we couldn’t purchase it. She would fuss at the shoulders of the dress usually and say how it didn’t fit in the shoulders right and I couldn’t have the dress. This perfect dress. The one with the pink tulip buds on it, the one that had the pink and green sash and bow. The one with the perfectly pleated and flared skirt. The one that my heart was set on.

My mom only wanted me to look my best. That was important to her. She wasn’t being mean or cheap – in her way she was looking out for me. Unfortunately, she didn’t know what lesson I took away from that dress experience that was then repeated many times over.

What I heard was “you are not good enough for this dress.” “Your shoulders are not the right size for this dress.” But I was in love with the dress. I wanted the dress. It looked divine on me. Why couldn’t we just buy the dress and make my dreams come true?

Then it happened. The lie I began to live by was started by a seemingly trivial experience of buying a dress. The lie I lived most of my life with began that day and was:

“Don’t want anything. The minute you desire something, you won’t get it and you’ll be disappointed and that hurts way too much. Just don’t want anything.”

That lie became a truth in my life. I can see evidence everywhere of how I made that belief come true over and over again. When our mind believes something it works very hard to create a reality that matches that belief. Over and over I would want something and see it disappear. It didn’t take long before, as a child, I stopped wanting things, I stopped dreaming of my future because I believed dreaming and wanting was the surest way of not getting it.

I tell you this story to illustrate the amazingly effective way our brains take events and create meaning and a code we live our life by.

What events jump out at you when you recall your childhood?
What story do you tell about yourself or the world based on that experience?
Are you willing to see the event as something different and rewrite your story and create a new way of moving through life?

My efforts are going to be placed on rewriting the belief that wanting something creates hurt.

What belief are you wanting to rewrite?

I know this isn’t directly related to veterinary medicine…or is it? We are humans and we come to work every day with our beliefs firmly entrenched, for good or for bad. We carry baggage into the office every day that affects how we experience our co-workers and clients. I, for one, want to lessen the baggage, so that I am more fully present and healthy to do my job. The less I carry into work, the less I carry home.

What are your beliefs about clients? Does death have to be devastating and sad? Are you good enough? Smart enough?

What baggage are you ready to drop?

What Keeps You Up at Night?

I woke up last night at 2 am.

This doesn’t usually happen to me. I sleep really well. But there are things going on in my life and lots of changes on the horizon. I’m stressed. When I woke up I was wide awake with my mind racing.

What if this….. What if that…….. When should I……

Money issues, relationship issues, holiday issues, work issues………..

I couldn’t stop my mind from racing. I felt physically worse as the minutes dragged by.

I snuggled closer to my partner to feel loved and comforted as I listened to his breathing and felt his warmth. Nope! It just infuriated me that he was sound asleep and probably enjoying a great dream. Instead of poking him to wake him up and be miserable with me, I went downstairs.

As I was walking down the hallway I gave myself permission to feel however I wanted to feel – scared, worried, frustrated. That stopped the internal comments for a few seconds. “Huh,” they said, “it’s not that much fun when she doesn’t play along and get all worked up.”

Then I decided to play hard ball with the internal reel and I pulled out a couple of mantras and decided to drown out the negative with the positive.

“I am worthy of everything I desire”

“Money is love and it flows abundantly to me”

“I make decisions easily and enjoy the process”

I almost chuckled as I coached myself out of a rabbit hole of negativity. The fears and doubts were silenced. I won’t say I was able to immediately go back to sleep, but I felt a whole lot more at ease as I snuggled back into bed next to my partner.

I share this so that you know exactly how these ideas I talk about can be used in real time, in real life. As I use them daily, I am able to change the direction of my thoughts pretty quickly at this point.

Tell me, what has kept you up at night?
What worries and fears are keeping you from living the life you deserve?

Set up a call or send me an email and we can investigate them together and get you back on track!

Slow Down, You’re Moving Too Fast…

Ah, a little Simon and Garfunkel to start the day…

Mindfulness. The practice of being in the moment, aware of and appreciating what you are doing in the moment, versus doing one thing while your mind races around other unrelated topics (and usually stirring up trouble!)

Slow down, you’re moving too fast, you’ve got to make the morning last, just kicking down the cobblestones, looking for fun and feelin’ groovy!

Wow, the image those lyrics bring to mind relaxes me immediately.

I realize that as life dumps stuff on me in a day or a week, my ability to be in the moment is oftentimes compromised as my mind replays conversations, problem analytics and worries over and over, accomplishing nothing except keeping me in an agitated state.

The dishes get done, the bed is made, the dog is walked, but all while my mind is going in circles about a million different things.

Slow down, you’re moving too fast….

Mindfulness.

The ability to be focused on the immediate task at hand. It is an age old practice of staying centered and calm and allowing your mind to be quiet. Gratefulness and appreciation for the immediate sensations of doing the dishes-the wonder of water, the amazement that water comes from the ocean right to your sink as you wash dishes that held the food that nourishes you that started out in a field somewhere tended by a stranger.

Connectedness. Appreciation. Gratitude.

Today while I contemplated what to write for you, my mind was jumping from topic to topic. I couldn’t decide. I followed some internet breadcrumbs and ended up at a site that had mindfulness gathas (short prayers). As I read them my mind felt immediately calmer and I felt myself physically relax. And, a blog post was born so that I could share this with you.

Take a look at these short prayers and see how they could be very useful to you as you move through the day.

Washing Dishes Going to Sleep
Each dish I wash Falling asleep at last
Is my most cherished child I vow with all beings
Each moment contains To enjoy the dark and the silence
Boundless love And rest in the vast unknown.

The mindfulness prayers:
https://www.beliefnet.com/faiths/buddhism/2004/02/gathas-for-mindfulness.aspx

And, listen to some Simon and Garfunkel today, you can never go wrong with them! https://youtu.be/So0ZrTwf8vI

LET’S CONNECT! If you would like to talk 1:1 with me, simply CLICK HERE to set up a free, 1 hr personal call. I can’t wait to hear from you!!!

Halt the Music…There’s a Problem!

As I went through my work day yesterday, I was struck by just how happy I was. The soft sounds of success were the soundtrack in my mind. I was appreciating my staff and how amazing and dedicated they are. I was struck by the clients love of their pets and their willingness to invest time and money into keeping their furry family healthy. I was feeling confident and communicating my thoughts well, and then…………SCREEEECH…………HALT THE MUSIC!

Mrs So-Nso wasn’t gonna hear my concern that her puppy was severely underweight. “She eats all the time!” she barked at me when I suggested increasing the calories. My shields flared into action surrounding me with a wall of protection against the energy she had thrown at me.

Now, a few years ago, I would have gotten angry at her outburst and unwillingness to hear me. I would have raised my voice, gotten a tone and mentally written her off as a “difficult client”. Isn’t that so easy for us to do sometimes? Has this ever happened to you?

We write people off and get angry at them for their choices. It’s the role of our ego to keep us safe and it does it’s job exceedingly well.

I kept repeating my message in different words trying to find the language she spoke. Every option I picked was met with resistance. Why wasn’t she hearing me? When we can keep our ego out of discussions they tend to go much better.

When you can see that your ego is flaring and trying to protect you it can feel like a wall has risen around you and the self talk in your head might get louder, all as protection against the perceived threat to your life.

Eventually, Mrs So-Nso’s sister picked up the puppy and was shocked by the inadequate weight. There it was, the answer to my prayer. The sister. The soft sounds of success started to play again!

When we know we are right but don’t have to prove it, when we afford the client the honor of knowing they are doing the best they can, when we can allow a higher power to work magic, then we can release all the human protective sequences that get triggered in a situation like this.

How do you react when your message is not being received? Do you get tense, louder, or hear that self-talk ramp up? Whatever it is that you feel, it can be changed.

We all have the power to react to situations in a way that keeps us safe and powerful, yet also affords the other person the same things. That is when the magic happens. Your belief that both parties are divine allows you to move beyond the human ego response and find solutions. And, if solutions cannot be found, you can leave the issue in the exam room and move on with a clear heart, knowing you did your best, and it is out of your hands.

So, my encouragement to you today is to stand in your power and your divinity and give the same to those that you interact with today. It’s a practice, but gets easier as you go along.

If you’d like to talk more about your power and the role ego plays in your life, send me an email or sign up to talk with me one-on-one here: https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm. Tell me what is bothering you today.

Turn One of “Those Days” into Just Another Day

Have you ever had one of “those days” where it seemed that you cared more about something than anyone else?

One of those days where it seems you just can’t get your message across to someone?

I have had those conversations. For example: Talking with a client on the phone who has a pet that I think really needs to come in and be seen. I’ll go through all the reasons I think the pet should come in, all the while getting more and more frustrated about the situation. I can feel my blood pressure rising as I get tense in my body, my throat gets tight, I talk louder and punctuate my words and interrupt the client on the phone all because I desperately want to help that pet. Have you ever had a conversation like that?

Let’s say the pet doesn’t come in for whatever reason. I am left feeling angry at myself and the client and worried about the pet. I take that anger home with me that night and find myself replaying the conversation over and over and over again keeping myself in a state of anger and worry. I know a lot of us do this. It’s a very human thing to do but it really isn’t helping you deal with the emotions, it is just keeping you in it.

That cycle – replaying and reliving the emotions of a difficult conversation is what I have learned to break, and you can too.

One idea that I use, is to stop and notice when I have that loop going in my head about how mad I am that the client is not caring enough about their pet, and how worried I am about the pet.

I stop my thoughts in their track and replace them with the thought that the client is doing the best they can with where they are in life and their spiritual evolution and while it may not be up to my standards, it is the best they can do. Whew. When I remind myself of this belief that I have, it immediately lightens the load I need to carry.

I follow it up with a prayer for the client. “I release any responsibility I feel for the decision the client is making. I have done my best. I believe the client is doing their best and please help them continue to seek the attention that their pet needs.” Immediately I feel more calm and centered as I release the responsibility to a higher power.

I will also include the pet in the prayer. “Please take the pain and discomfort away from this pet and give them peace and healing.”

When I hear myself going back to the angry replay I stop, hit pause, and fast forward to my prayer.

How many times do we repeat scenarios in our heads keeping the negative emotions in our experience? This is a key factor in burn-out because it is draining. Not only are you drained by the initial experience, but you are drained by the repeated replays of it.

STOP yourself when you see yourself doing this. Replace it with the thought that you did the best you could and that is all you can ever do. You cannot make people do things, you can only educate and offer. The rest is up to them.

And so, as my responsibility to you to offer my knowledge, I am offering a free consultation with me about anything that is bothering you right now. Let’s troubleshoot the issue and let me help guide you to that knowledge that is already inside of you that has the answers. This is my mission, to help relieve the suffering of those in this field and create a stronger, healthier and happier community.

You can reach me via email or set up a time to chat here: https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm

Stop the Self-Sabotage

This profession has a long standing heritage of self-abuse. We have super long, busy days and have historically not taken time for eating, bathroom breaks, or even a 5 minute breather to recenter. It is, unfortunately, sometimes considered a weakness to want those things for ourselves.

I have been acutely aware lately of how much my mood is affected by how well I have eaten that day. And I don’t mean, was it all organic, limited ingredient foods necessarily. I mean, even just eating 3 meals and some snacks during the day! That is the way I tend to show my stress first – I don’t eat, or I eat junk food and sweets. I can see how much the way I fuel my body is directly related to my ability to stay centered, focused and emotionally balanced.

We all have those ways we sabotage ourselves such as abusing food, sweets, alcohol, exercise, sleep. What is your self-sabotage pattern? I encourage you to notice what you do to your body when you are stressed or worried. See the pattern and commit, just for that day, to change it. It doesn’t need to be a commitment for the rest of your life, just start with today. Then I challenge you to do the same thing the next day. And… you see where I am going with this!!

So, take a few minutes and acknowledge the ways you don’t support yourself and take one small step to be better one day at a time. That’s how a habit starts, a commitment to do better one day at a time.

And as always, if anything you read resonates with you today, or if you have any questions about these ideas, please CLICK HERE to set up a free, 1-hr personal call with me. I’d love to hear from you!