Veterinarians – Page 8 – Heal ThySELF DVM

That time I stuck my foot in my mouth…

There is a book, “The 4 Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, that lays out 4 agreements you make with yourself that can transform your life. One of the agreements is, “Do not make assumptions.”

I had this tenet very clearly pointed out to me the other day in the exam room. I walked into the room to meet a new client. As I was entering the room, I commented on how much I loved their red sneakers. Then I looked at the chart and saw the name Britney. The person standing in front of me looked very masculine.

That’s when I totally dug myself the deepest hole I may ever have been in! Not able to just close my mouth, I blathered on about how Britney is not usually a male name, blah blah blah. I am sure my tech was ready to stomp on my foot or slink under the table.

Britney took it very well and said that she is frequently mistaken for a male. I continued to be confused and finally literally had to close my mouth and start the exam before saying anything more.

As I was palpating the abdomen, which was very normal but I took extra time to do it, I replayed the conversation and realized that I had made an assumption based on how Britney looked that was completely wrong.

Lucky for me she was very nice about it. But as soon as my pulse slowed down, I apologized to her for making an assumption that I had no right to make. I told her I was sorry and how gracious she was in handling it.

After I apologized, I realized that I felt totally empowered! We went on to have a great discussion about her dog and we actually got along really well. The empowerment I felt by apologizing was amazing. I know, had I just ignored it, I would have been beating up on myself for days about how stupid I was and I would have feared meeting her again.

So my recommendation to you is twofold:

Do not make assumptions. Listen and ask questions to understand the other person’s point of view.
Sincerely apologize when you are wrong. It gives you back your power, and allows for a natural interaction, without weird vibes, to occur.

If you have experienced the power of apologizing, if anything you read resonates with you, or if you have any questions about these ideas please click here to set up a free, 1 hr personal call with me. I’d love to hear from you!

Stop letting client decisions drain you.

You just don’t know…

Why someone makes the decisions they do. You just don’t know what is going on in their lives, what medical/relationship/financial/life stresses they are experiencing at the same time their pet is ill.

You just don’t know their deeply, yet perhaps unconsciously, held beliefs around illness and death for themselves and their pets.

So can you allow for the possibility that the decisions they make, including lack of treatment, has absolutely NOTHING to do with you, and everything to do with them?

There are no words to make them understand the need for treatment. There are no words to make them come in to see you the first day of the vomiting instead of the 5th. There are no words to make them get a physical exam at least once a year.

You have minimal power to make the client do things. BUT…. You do have infinite power to control how you feel when the client does something with which you disagree.

For today, thank each client (silently or out loud) for seeking your expertise and skill no matter the circumstances. Be grateful they came to see you. Even when you perceive they made a mistake, remember that you do not walk in their shoes and you have no idea what is going on in their life.

I think you will find that as you are able to allow them to have their experience in life, you can have yours. Your job is not to make someone do something. Your job is to advocate for the pet. Once you have done that, allow the client to make the decision they feel is best.

Do not attach your self-worth or happiness level to the decision the client is making. Attach your self worth and happiness level to knowing that you made the best recommendations possible and that is all you can do. You have the power — by focusing on how you want to feel — to have a good day in the face of crappy situations.

Be grateful that they sought you out, allow them to have their experience, and you get to have a good day by not feeling responsible for their decisions.

And as the carrot attached to this recommendation from me, I know that the less stressed you get by client decisions, the more you will see clients that take your recommendations and the less you will be presented with those that won’t. You attract what you think about and spend energy on so spend it wisely.

If this idea resonates with you, or if you have questions about it, please click here to sign up for a free 1 hour phone consultation where we can discuss it more.

What if grief and anger over euthanasias was easily avoided?

We are so often tasked with taking the lives of our patients. It can be depressing and overwhelming at times.

Recently I heard Dani Mcvety, DVM the CEO and founder of Lap of Love speak, and she put into words how I feel every time I perform a euthanasia. She tells clients that ask how she can do euthanasias day in and day out, that it is an honor to perform this task.

How much better would you feel if you could come to the place that it is an honor to perform a euthanasia? Not that you won’t be sad, and not that you would perform one that you did not agree with, but overall, how much stress would that mindset relieve?

To get to that point, one thing to consider is that no experience has meaning until you assign it one.

For example: we all know that some people meet the personal diagnosis of cancer with acceptance and the belief that their life still has meaning and go on to achieve great things. Others can never move past the anger, hurt and fear of it. The diagnosis of cancer was the same, but the meaning assigned to it was different.

The end result of the euthanasia is the same, but how you frame it allows you to move forward with serenity and calmness vs grief and anger.

I use this tenant “no experience has meaning until you assign it one” often in my day. When I diagnose a terminal disease in a patient, I am sad and upset for awhile. Realizing that I cannot change the diagnosis, but only try and make the best of it, I try and find a way in which this experience might be of value for me or the client. Such as: I get to learn about recent advancements in the treatment of this disease, I might meet new doctors that will become part of my “go-to referral team” in the future, I might have dealt with this personally with one of my own pets and so have a chance to heal that experience a bit, I get to allow the clients to find their way through the process with dignity, grace and as much serenity as they can. The client gets to heal previous experiences with terminally ill pets, or maybe even family.

It is all in how you can frame the experience.

Euthanasias do not have to be a sad, overwhelming stress on us. We can chose how we think about them and how we allow the clients to experience them. It is all in the meaning we assign to the experience.

Try this idea on for size as you go through your day. Email me your questions or experiences with it, I’d love to hear from you.

Support for Veterinarians has Arrived

Over the past year, several articles have been published — in the Boston Globe and various trade journals — about how stressful it is to be a veterinarian. Each one highlights the fact that 1 in 6 veterinarians have considered suicide. Many people might be surprised by that statistic, but to veterinarians who face the daily challenges of exhausting hours, financial strain, and compassion fatigue, we know it all too well.

Our profession is in the midst of a mental health crisis. What has been done to address it?

My name is Pamela Datsko and at times during my 26 year career as a veterinarian, I have struggled with depression myself. But I thought I was just one of a small group of veterinarians who were having trouble. That changed with the suicide of veterinarian Sophia Yin in 2014. Dr. Yin created the Low Stress Handling™ program about how to make our pets’ time in the clinic low stress. Even though I’d never met her, I admired her work and her death broke my heart.

The tragic irony that she was so passionate about reducing stress in the clinic, and yet took her own life, hit me hard. From the outside, it looked like she had everything going for her, which made me realize that far more of my colleagues may be suffering in silence than I’d previously recognized.

I knew I could not stay silent and allow my colleagues to struggle any longer. That same year, I started mentoring through Veterinary Information Network (VIN). I found it fulfilling for what it was, but since it only involved emailing mentees, I wanted to do more.

There are a handful of veterinarians with other advanced degrees, like psychology, with online presences for counseling veterinarians. The American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) has an online self-assessment tool for veterinary wellbeing, and they provide some resources. Some of the pharmaceutical companies provide a similar service, with personal wellness modules on a free online learning platform. All of these are much-needed services, but I have the strong feeling that veterinarians also need deeper and more personal support.

I know I wanted personal, individual interactions when I needed help. Online support alone just would not have cut it for me. I began my personal healing journey in 2013 and it has transformed my life.

I created Heal ThySELF DVM™ because it’s time to stop suffering—because I want other veterinarians to be able to enjoy their lives and careers again. I want to do my part in helping to end the mental health crisis.

On Wednesday March 22, 2017, I will be hosting a free online interactive webinar called Veterinarians, Heal ThySELF! where you can join me and other like-minded colleagues in exploring some of the transformational techniques that have made such a difference in my own life—including a powerful guided visualization.

You can expect to walk away feeling uplifted and energized with a more positive outlook on your future. I look forward to seeing you there!

*And if you know someone who might benefit from this information, please forward this article to them. Thank you.