Today I am reposting a newsletter submission from a year ago because I was reminded of it as I saw this client again this week. Please enjoy it and know that, even a year later, this was still a very important lesson for me.
There is a book, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz that lays out four agreements you make with yourself that can transform your life.
One of the agreements is “Do not make assumptions.”
I had this tenet very clearly pointed out to me the other day in the exam room. I walked into the room to meet a new client. As I was entering the room, I commented on how much I loved their red sneakers. Then I looked at the chart and saw the name Britney. The person standing in front of me looked very masculine.
That’s when I totally dug myself the deepest hole I may ever have been in! Not able to just close my mouth, I blathered on about how Britney is not usually a male name, blah blah blah. I am sure my tech was ready to stomp on my foot or slink under the table. Britney took it very well and said that she is frequently mistaken for a male. I continued to be confused and finally literally had to close my mouth and start the exam before saying anything more.
As I was palpating the abdomen, which was very normal but I took extra time to do it, I replayed the conversation and realized that I had made an assumption based on how Britney looked that was completely wrong. Lucky for me she was very nice about it. But as soon as my pulse slowed down, I apologized to her for making an assumption that I had no right to make. I told her I was sorry and how gracious she was in handling it.
After I apologized I realized that I felt totally empowered! We went on to have a great discussion about her dog and we actually got along really well. The empowerment I felt by apologizing was amazing. I know, had I just ignored it, I would have been beating up on myself for days about how stupid I was and I would have feared meeting her again.
So my recommendation to you is two-fold:
- Do not make assumptions. Listen and ask questions to understand the other person’s point of view.
- Sincerely apologize when you are wrong. It gives you back your power, and allows for a natural interaction, without weird vibes, to occur.
If you have experienced the power of apologizing, if anything you read resonates with you, or if you have any questions about these ideas please CLICK HERE to set up a free, 1 hr personal call with me.
I’d love to hear from you!