pdatsko

How to Move Beyond Anger and Frustration

Do you think of emotions like anger and fear as negative?
Do you beat up on yourself for getting mad and frustrated at work?
Do you feel stuck in a cycle of anger and frustration, venting to feel temporarily better but not able to sustain that improved emotional outlook?

I have struggled with being in the seemingly never ending cycle of anger and frustration as I faced the emotional burden of our profession.

I would like to share a talk from Susan David, Ph.D. that speaks to the idea of emotional agility – the ability to experience and use the whole range of emotions we have access to without getting stuck in any particular emotional setting.

I found this discussion, encouraging and enlightening, as well as giving definable action steps that we can take to strengthen our relationship with our emotions.

I have shared it before, but am sharing it again as I find myself going back to it often. It is about 15 minutes long, but well worth your time.

Here is the link to the VIDEO:
2017 TEDWomen Conference: ‘The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage‘ – Susan David, Ph.D.
https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_the_gift_and_power_of_emotional_courage?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_content=talk&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare&utm_term=social-science

Once you have watched it, please let me know how it impacted you.

Embracing Your Grief

How can you embrace ALL the feelings that come from losing a beloved pet, and/or support a client moving through their grieving journey?

Is it possible to consider the experience of grief as a blessing? One that provides the incredible gift of expanding your ability to cope with everything that comes-up when moving through the pain of loss.

Check out the latest episode of the Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success to understand how you can reframe your feelings surrounding journeying through the death and dying process.

Please feel free to reach out to me anytime if you want to explore these thoughts at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com.

And as always, you can set up a 1:1 call with me to discuss what you are wanting to create in your life at https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm!

A Resource for Compassion Fatigue

Today I wanted to share information about compassion fatigue that has been created by the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project.

They define compassion fatigue as – the situation where the caregiver is overwhelmed emotionally and physically by the act of caregiving that it can cause them to adopt destructive behaviors. –

I know that some of us will find this information extremely eye opening and comforting to know that there is a community out there with resources to help us find our way again. I also know, that for some of us, we experience more burnout that compassion fatigue.

But I do believe that we all could stand to practice more self-care: more times when we disconnect from social media, when we say no, when we use our boundaries to keep us safe, and of course that mochachino in the morning.

So have a look at their website and the resources they provide, I found it very helpful and so thought I would share it with you.

Have a fantastic day!

Can You Let Go?

So it’s been a little over a week since I let Mu kitty go. (You can read the blog I wrote about the pending euthanasia of my sweet Mu kitty here!)

Of course I mourn the physical loss – the loss of the routines, the snuggles, the care. I miss the emotional support that he gave to me – the unconditional love. And at times, I have found myself experiencing rage and helplessness.

Demanding or crazy clients, multiple euthanasias, squeezed in appointments and extra shifts all conspired to bring me to my knees a couple of times. I had a few mini meltdowns last week at work and cried myself to sleep several nights. But last week I also realized that at the root of my emotional turmoil was the feeling of not being in control.

I had been forced into taking Mu’s life, and others, because I couldn’t control their disease. I had no control over staff squeezing in an appointment. It may have been the right thing to do but I was apoplectic about it. There were several other events that caused me to ask “Why did I have a melt down over that?”

The answer was the realization that I don’t have control over things. It is a human trait. It is a trait developed over eons to keep us physically safe. But when our false sense of being in control over mother nature and others’ decisions is rocked, it can create havoc!

That’s what I experienced last week and I suspect it was not unique to me. I invite you to look at scenarios that have upset you in the past. Really examine them from a higher perspective.

Was the underlying reason that you got upset the feeling of loss of control?

I was stunned at this discovery as I do not consider myself a control freak. But, in the midst of my grief, with my life turned upside down, there it was. I was doing ok until I couldn’t control something – mother nature, the schedule, others’ decisions. Then I felt the pounding in my chest, the white noise in my head, the tension building in my body and the overwhelming need to yell, scream or cry.

I was reminded about all the memes I see on social media along the lines of “Let Go and Let God.” A cornerstone of my belief system is that I am in control of my own thoughts and emotions, and by shaping them I live the life I want to. But, to have pointed out so viscerally to me last week the level that control played in my outlook on life, was eye opening.

I do not have all of the answers here today. But what I do know is that last week I learned an important lesson:

The need to control our experiences is a strong force in us. We believe that if we could just control what happens to us, what others’ do or say, we would be happier. But we are never in control. Never!

The ability to let go and believe that you can handle anything that comes your way is actually the key to happiness.

Don’t be Blowin’ in the Wind, Believe in Yourself

This week was a rollercoaster of emotions for everyone at my office.

We had a blocked cat, with an owner that could not see how much we were trying to help. We had two separate clients, trying to help pets that were not their own, facing constraints both moral and tangible. We had people bringing us cookies and a very special bottle of alcohol to say “Thank you, I see you.” We felt understood at times and horribly denigrated at others.

We felt triumphant and defeated. We felt celebrated and we felt abused.

We all deal with weeks like this differently. What kept me balanced and centered was my knowledge of myself. I know I am caring, compassionate, knowledgeable and worthy. I have worked at creating those roots- those beliefs of myself that are a strong foundation so that my self worth is not affected by the actions or words of others.

Even the praise of others, though it definitely feels good, only feels good because I believe it inside first and foremost. Knowing who I am and what I stand for keeps me from being blown about like a leaf in the wind: debating my worth with every client encounter. And the debate can feel like anger, sadness, and physical discomfort. It doesn’t necessarily mean you are conscious of a “debate” in your mind.

What can you do today to strengthen your own self worth muscle?

When you know you are worthy of everything that you desire, and that you are strong, capable and compassionate then emotionally charged events do not knock you off balance easily or for long.

If you feel blown about like a leaf in the wind, not sure who you are inside or how to show it – It can be changed! You can determine your own self worth and navigate the emotions of a veterinary office with ease and grace. It just takes practice.

Let’s talk. Send me an email at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com or set up a one-on-one chat. Believing in yourself- your ability to love yourself, know your worth, know your emotions-is critical to staying centered and balanced in this profession.

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The Lessons One Damn Black Cat Taught Me About Love

This week finds me facing the reality that soon I will have to say goodbye to my dear little Mu, my cat. He is failing and there are no more treatments that I want to pursue. So it is coming to decision time.

I have many emotions swirling around me over this situation and the predominant emotion changes from hour to hour. I wanted to explore some of them with you as I know they are not unique to me, but common to all of us who have animals in our lives.

The predominant overarching emotion is FEAR.

Fear of the future-me not being able to handle the absence.
Fear of the future-me missing the soft fur, the eyes, the purr.
Fear of the pain this loss will create in my heart, my body, my soul.
Fear of judgement of others for how I handled his disease and when I chose to end his life.

I feel GUILT, as well.

Guilt that I didn’t do everything I “could” have done to keep him here longer.
Guilt that I missed some doses of medications.
Guilt that I waited too long to start treatments.
Guilt that I didn’t do regular monitoring.

I also feel UNWORTHY of his love.

I know all the things I have done that he can’t possibly know about. That if he did, he would surely not love me. If he knew the real me, he would not love me the way he does.

I cannot look in his eyes anymore without crying, due to the absolutely crushing weight of emotions that I feel – FEAR. GUILT. UNWORTHINESS.

LOVE.

How can I possibly come home to a house empty of his presence? How will I fall asleep at night without a good night snuggle with him first?

How do I admit how much I needed him to listen to my fears and my worries. He was so strong to listen to all of my emotional dumps on him and not once did he walk away from me in a huff. Not once did he tell me to get a grip. Not once did he tell me he couldn’t listen to me any more. There were no eye rolls, no huffing, no disengaging.

How do I go through with his euthanasia? When do I know it is the right time?

If I strip away the fears for just a moment I know it is time now. I know I am delaying the inevitable hoping that there will be a way of avoiding the emotions I know are coming.

I am delaying because I hope he will just… die in his sleep. Why don’t more of our pets die in their sleep?

I believe their last gift to us is that they allow us to face all of our fears, with shaking knees and tears, because they know we can handle it and grow.

The only way I know to deal with all of this in a healthy manner is to be brave and wade right into the emotional whirlpool that surrounds death and especially the choice of euthanasia.

I can only feel the depth of loss if I have felt the abundance of love.

Can I be brave enough to feel the pain in my heart? Really feel it. Allow it to be with me in any way that it needs to be. Can I find some part of me that realized the pain could not be there if I had not opened myself to the love in the first place? There could be no pain if there was no love. That is the price of being human.

We love and therefore we grieve. They are the two endpoints of the pendulum swing.

Can I allow myself to grieve as much as I allowed myself to love?
Can I grieve harder than I loved, knowing that I also held back some of my love as a protection against this day as well?

Facing his death, can I admit that I didn’t love him to the fullest because I knew this day would come and I wanted to protect myself. It didn’t work. Now I hurt for the loss as well as the knowing that I held some love back and now it is too late.

So the only way out I know is to be willing to feel all of these emotions and love myself for them. They are the indicators that I am human. They are the indicators that I am capable of love and worthy of being loved.

Some damn black cat came into my life and look what happened.

He loved ME.

He loved the doubts, the insecurities, the lies, the shame, the failures, the me that is messed up and human.

He loved ME.

He is my teacher, he has confidence in me and I hope to honor his memory with the lessons I learned from him.

Are You Afraid to Say You Love Your Job?

I’ve realized over the past little while that I am almost embarrassed to say that I love my job as a veterinarian.

There is so much talk, and rightly so, about the mental health challenges in our profession that I feel… almost guilty for enjoying my job.

Do you feel like that at all?

I mean, I’m not at all downplaying or discounting the issues we face in this career, but I want to give myself, and YOU, permission to speak up if you love your job. Be a light for someone else to find their way to loving it again, as well.

I did a video about this topic in the latest episode of the Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success.

Have a listen and let me know what it brings up for you at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com or schedule a one on one chat at https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm .

Have a fantastic day, you awesomely amazing colleague!!!

Create the Life You Know You Deserve

Take a look at the latest episode of Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success . Let me know if these thoughts help you to put our world into perspective so you can create the life you want in veterinary medicine.

Schedule your free hour long chat with me at calendly.com/healthyselfdvm.

Or schedule a talk at your office at http://www.healthyselfdvm.com/for-prac…/

And have a fanfreakingtastic day!!

Evidence-Based Living

We are well acquainted with the idea of evidence based medicine. The idea that we can develop treatment recommendations based on collecting evidence about which treatments have worked the best in the past. Well, I submit that we can also buy into the idea of evidence based living!

To me this means that as I live my life, I can look for, and find, evidence to support almost any belief I have. For example, the other day I was feeling like I couldn’t diagnose any patient I saw. Everything was baffling and hard for me. I felt like an imposter.

Have you ever felt that way?

It is a powerful feeling. It can take over and make every future decision more difficult and lead to a downward spiral.

But then I stopped myself, took a breath and looked for evidence to contradict the belief that “I am an imposter.”

I thought about the cases where I nailed the diagnosis. I thought about the cases where even without a firm diagnosis the animal responded to the treatment. I allowed myself to believe the evidence “I am a good diagnostician and doctor!” I moved forward with my day more confidently as I kept remembering the evidence.

Now, yes, for those of you sitting there saying that there are times when I did miss the diagnosis or the animal did not respond and so I could have latched onto those times. You are right, so true, so true. I don’t always get it right.

BUT, the idea here is to look for evidence of what will make me feel better and see if it exists. And it does, for me and for you.

So let’s try and use evidence based living more in our lives in and out of the clinic. I am positive you can find evidence to support any idea you want to have.

Why not choose thoughts that allow you to feel better, stronger, bigger and more adept? That’s the key! Choose the thoughts you want to feel and back them up with evidence from your past and move forward.

Today I am sharing a video from Lisa Nichols, a transformational speaker. In this video she talks about second guessing yourself and how to stop it. I thought it was a powerful video and it speaks to looking for the evidence. You can view the video by clicking here.

NOTE: Lisa starts the video with responses to comments from previous videos so you can skip to the 2:22 mark if you only want to hear about second chances. But I think there is great information as well in the first minutes even if you haven’t watched her before. It’s only 10 min long so enjoy!

As always, you can set up a 1:1 call with me to explore what you are wanting to create in your life at https://calendly.com/healthyselfdvm!

Develop Your Resilience Muscle for a Successful Career

We all tell ourselves lies. Those thoughts we think that derail us: “I am stupid, incompetent, worthless.” But when you actually see those thoughts as lies, you can instead turn them into weak, ineffectual thoughts that DO NOT derail you.

During today’s ‘Q 24 hr, Your Daily Dose of Vet Med Success’ I discuss an experience I had this week at work which highlights the need for us to find the lies we tell ourselves.

If we can find the lies we tell ourselves, we can find the truths as well. Watch the video and let me know how you create resilience in your day.

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If you are ready to make a change in your life, make sure you sign up for the FREE 60 minute consultation with me here:
www.calendly.com/healthyselfdvm!

Colleagues who work with me find the keys within themselves to unlock their intuitive knowledge of what thoughts and beliefs to shift to gain the happiness they deserve both in and out of the office. It is truly amazing to witness the growth in their confidence in handling the situations that used to throw them off the tracks.

Make 2018 the time you say “I deserve every happiness I can imagine at work and at home.”

Can’t wait to chat with you!