Taking things personally is so easy to do! We do it without even thinking of it!
When someone attacks us verbally, or makes comments about us to others, it is so easy to fall into the trap of taking it personally.
What does taking it personally mean? It means that we make the comment about us, we put meaning to it that satisfies our need to be right, our need to be safe and our need to defend ourselves (thank you monkey mind). When we take something personally we are assuming that we know what the other person meant and wanted us to feel. But, can we ever know what someone else is truly thinking?
Taking things personally, making it about us, is a great way to create drama, emotion and stress where there may not need to be any. Let’s look at an example.
We hear someone say that “we are just in it for the money, we are gouging clients”. Right away our hackles go up and we are ready for a fight. But this only happens if we have taken it personally. If we have allowed their comment to affect our belief in ourselves or affect how we believe others think about us.
If you can allow that first flush of anger wash over you and through you and take a step back from it, you can see where maybe, the comment is a reflection of THAT person’s beliefs and practices, not yours. Perhaps THAT person feels some sort of conflict about charging clients, their clients’ ability to afford them, their own finances and debt etc.
Or a client tells us that we don’t know what we are talking about, they found real info on Google. If we take that comment personally then we are insulted, miffed, angry and that can spiral out of control over the days and weeks we keep replaying the comment in our head. But what if, when they say that, we can allow it to wash over us and not land inside us? What if we can recognize that they are entitled to their belief about me, but it has nothing to do with me!
I know myself, and I don’t need to take their opinion of me into consideration. I can then end the appt with allowing them to go on their way, find another Vet they can feel better about and I can move on. Not taking things personally also sometimes means that I have to let go of the need to be right and the need to be the right person for everyone.
So I encourage all of you to practice taking a step back whenever you hear anything that flares your defensive, emotional muscles. Take a breath. Ask yourself “ How could what I just heard have nothing to do with me?” “What would I be like if I knew that others’ opinions do not matter to me?”
How would it feel to not react in anger the next time you are confronted? Not taking things personally allows you to find a thought, a solution that makes sense to you instead of getting caught on an emotional merry go round that you cannot get off.
It doesn’t mean that you are ignoring the situation. It simply means that you have moved past the monkey mind induced negative emotions into the realm of self-care and finding solutions that allow you to feel better.
Please let me know how not taking things personally allows you to be more of the person you know you are. How does your day flow when things roll more easily off your back?
You can contact me via pamela@healthyselfdvm.com or set up a personal free 1 on 1 chat about this by visiting my scheduling site. And, as always, continue to be the wonderful, compassionate rock star badasses that I know you all are!