They define compassion fatigue as – the situation where the caregiver is overwhelmed emotionally and physically by the act of caregiving that it can cause them to adopt destructive behaviors. –

I know that some of us will find this information extremely eye opening and comforting to know that there is a community out there with resources to help us find our way again.  I also know, that for some of us, we experience more burnout that compassion fatigue.

But I do believe that we all could stand to practice more self-care: more times when we disconnect from social media, when we say no, when we use our boundaries to keep us safe, and of course that mochachino in the morning.  

So have a look at their website and the resources they provide, I found it very helpful and so thought I would share it with you.  

Have a fantastic day!

We had a blocked cat, with an owner that could not see how much we were trying to help.  We had two separate clients, trying to help pets that were not their own, facing constraints both moral and tangible.  We had people bringing us cookies and a very special bottle of alcohol to say “Thank you, I see you.” We felt understood at times and horribly denigrated at others.  

We felt triumphant and defeated. We felt celebrated and we felt abused.

We all deal with weeks like this differently.  What kept me balanced and centered was my knowledge of myself.  I know I am caring, compassionate, knowledgeable and worthy. I have worked at creating those roots- those beliefs of myself that are a strong foundation so that my self worth is not affected by the actions or words of others.  

Even the praise of others, though it definitely feels good, only feels good because I believe it inside first and foremost. Knowing who I am and what I stand for keeps me from being blown about like a leaf in the wind: debating my worth with every client encounter.  And the debate can feel like anger, sadness, and physical discomfort. It doesn’t necessarily mean you are conscious of a “debate” in your mind.

What can you do today to strengthen your own self worth muscle?  

When you know you are worthy of everything that you desire, and that you are strong, capable and compassionate  then emotionally charged events do not knock you off balance easily or for long.

If you feel blown about like a leaf in the wind, not sure who you are inside or how to show it – It can be changed!  You can determine your own self worth and navigate the emotions of a veterinary office with ease and grace. It just takes practice.  

Let’s talk.  Send me an email at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com or set up a one-on-one chat.  Believing in yourself- your ability to love yourself, know your worth, know your emotions-is critical to staying centered and balanced in this profession.  

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Colleagues who work with me find the keys within themselves to unlock their intuitive knowledge of what thoughts and beliefs to shift to gain the happiness they deserve both in and out of the office. It is truly amazing to witness the growth in their confidence in handling the situations that used to throw them off the tracks.

Make April 2018 the time you say “I deserve every happiness I can imagine at work and at home.”

Can’t wait to chat with you!

First, a little background discussion about emotions.  We have typically labeled emotions as good or bad, but I believe all emotions are good. They point us in the directions we want to go.  When we feel sad it is an invitation to find thoughts that feel better to move toward contentment, or hopefulness, for example.   

Anger is an emotion that feels better than hopelessness or sadness.  Anger has movement to it — we are often physically agitated, we use our breath and voices more, our hearts beat faster — all forms of movement. Movement usually feels better than stasis – hopelessness or overwhelm; where you want to be still and curled up in a ball.  

The question to ask yourself is: WHY am I angry?  And the answer cannot be based on someone else’s actions or words.  What the person did or said is not important, the important thing is how it made you feel and WHY.  Let’s look at a possible scenario:

Client comes in with a sick dog.  Not life threatening but definitely in need of medical assistance.  You make recommendations. Client declines all, just wants a shot of antibiotic for the dog.  You get increasingly angry at their refusal to do anything else.

Why are you angry?  What is the underlying belief that you have that is causing you to get angry?

Are you angry because in declining, they imply you don’t have the right answers?  You believe you are an imposter or a liar.  

Are you angry because you believe that their declining of your recommendations shows that you lack the ability to communicate effectively? You are a failure.  

Are you angry because you feel the animal is helpless and you are their only hope? You are helpless.

We can see from these possibilities that anger is often the outward expression of denying other lower emotions or beliefs – helplessness, failure, incompetence, sadness, frustration.

If you can name the underlying reason why you are angry, then it is possible to play with it and diffuse it by changing your thoughts.  This can be done in the safety of your home so that you can be a little more prepared the next time anger wells up inside of you.

There are many ways to let go of the underlying beliefs and we will explore them in the coming weeks.  

Today I want you to play with the idea that you always do your best.  That statement is simple, you say. Of course I always do my best!  But how often do you beat yourself up for not knowing something, or having an animal die unexpectedly, or believing you missed something on an exam?  We do it all the time.  But if we truly believe that we always do our best, then there is no reason for beating ourselves up.  

That negative self talk has no place in our brain.  You always do your best. Yes, you cannot know everything.  Yes, mother nature sometimes has her own plans.  Yes, you may have missed something on an exam, but it doesn’t mean you didn’t do your best.  It means you are human.  And it means there is always more to learn.  That’s it.  In every situation there is always more to learn-even when the outcomes are terrific and defy the odds-there is something to learn.

And, let’s flip that statement around to the staff, the clients, the public.  Everyone always does their best!  The place that understanding and compassion comes from is realizing that their best is not necessarily in line with what you would do.  And that is ok.  It is their best.  There is no reflection whatsoever on you. You did your best – examining, diagnosing, creating the treatment plan, doing the surgery, etc.  There is no reflection on you no matter what they chose to do and no matter the outcome. If you believe that you did your best then there can be no judgments and no negative self talk.

So, one way to diffuse the anger is to adopt the belief that you always do your best. I give you permission to say this!  Give yourself permission as well. The outcome is not in your hands. There is nothing else that can be asked of you but to do your best.  Learn, grow, explore yes, but no beating up on yourself.  

You are a rockstar bad ass veterinarian and you always do your best.

 What I want to share with you today is an idea, that might raise some resistance in you at first, but just sit with it and see if it makes sense in the long run.

My goal in my day is to always look for the thoughts that allow me to feel better.  In all the situations I deal with in a day, I try and find a way of looking at them that allows me to transcend the yucky, depleting emotions. I try and find a perspective that allows me to stay grounded and centered, feeling good.  So here is a thought for this week for you to play with:

Your perspective is not the only one.

There, that’s the ground shattering truth.  

Your perspective is not the only one.

What if that client that is declining the blood work truly does love her dog?
What if she has no money to spare?
What if she wants to do more, but is afraid you will find a cancer and she is battling it herself and cannot bear to think her dog has it as well?
What if she just buried her husband a year ago and is unable to face the fact that she may have to bury her dog as well?
What if she is in debt by tens of thousands of dollars and is embarrassed that she will be declined by Care Credit?
What if she is being abused by her daughter and feels helpless to make any decisions?

What if, what if, what if…

What if you decide she is just being stupid, uncaring or mean to the pet? What if you shower her, even unconsciously, with your feelings of anger and judgement?  How would that feel to her?   Might she respond with words of anger and accusations?  Might she cause a scene in your lobby out of frustration and fear for her dog?

Could all of that energy that is being focused by you on her unwillingness to do the blood work be used in a better way?  Perhaps to silently send her love and understanding, not knowing why she won’t do the blood work but respecting her rights.  Perhaps ask her gently and softly why, and then give her the time and space to get the courage to tell you.  How about energetically allowing her the dignity to make her decision and not feel judged or demeaned for it.

We have so much power in our hands.  We are the Doctor! (shout out to Dr Who fans!)  We are the authority, but we cannot possibly know why people make the decisions they make.  

Your perspective is not the only one.  Everyone involved in that pet’s care has an opinion on what should be done and why.  And often, those choices are steeped in our culture and our upbringing.

The next time you are faced with someone not agreeing to your treatment plan, or getting angry with you over a diagnosis, take a moment to consider that they are scared, really really scared of something they are not telling you. Allow them to make the decision that is right for them.  Know that you can do your job perfectly and still have them decline your recommendations.

There are always 2 sides to the coin.  Yours and theirs.  Allow for the possibility that your perspective is not the only one.  You are not responsible for their decisions. Your life will be better for practicing this belief.  

Next week we’ll look at how to diffuse your anger and frustrations in this kind of situation.

I know I have struggled with this idea as a major source of anger and depression in my career. I would get so angry when clients refused my treatment recommendations. I would struggle to find the words to convince them to do what I thought was the best option. I would relive conversations at night, looking for what words I could have said to change the outcome. I would review treatment plans of patients that died, trying to find a mistake. I would berate myself for not being enough. Enough to get the patient to live, and enough to get the client to agree to a treatment plan.

But here’s the thing. I cannot control what other people do! Yes, I can see you nodding your head in agreement with that statement, but then turning around and getting angry when they don’t do what you wanted! I know, because I have done that very thing, often. Often.

You cannot control what choices clients make. You cannot control the outcome of a discussion. You are not God. You cannot make them do what you think is best.

You cannot attach your happiness, self worth or inner peace to what decisions a client makes or you will be frustrated and unhappy, a lot. What you can do is base your self worth on knowing that you collected and presented the information the best you could, given whatever constraints the client gave to you.

You need to find peace with your ability to educate the clients, lay out their options and let them decide what they want to do. Pressing them only creates an uncomfortable energy that will end up with unhappy clients feeling shamed into a decision. Clients saying that you are “only in it for the money” as their push back to feeling pressured.

This idea of giving up the attachment to an outcome also plays a large part in accepting a patient’s death. We are not God, and cannot control the outcome. Patients will die unexpectedly. Patients will die despite our implementing the correct treatment plan. We need to accept that their death, a vast majority of the time, is not because of us.

Letting go of attachments to an outcome. A difficult lesson for me at times. But adopting it as a core belief has allowed me to move through my days with much less anger and self recriminations.

If this idea resonates with you let me know. How have you given up the attachment to outcomes? Let’s chat at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com.

While I agree that this is an important topic, I feel that her approach was hurtful and disrespectful of her colleagues. Everyone in the field of veterinary medicine does the very best they can every day, day in and day out, despite the pain and suffering we see every day. We are not in it for the money, that’s for sure!  

I created this with the desire to help my colleagues who may have been hurt by the video.

Some things to think about as you watch the video are: What does anger feel like in your body? Can you respond to anger in a new way, and what would that look like to you? When you feel angry at someone, could you deal with it differently by acknowledging that there is an underlying cause of the anger?

You can watch the video and let me know how you answered any of the above questions by emailing me at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com or setting up a private 1 hr phone call by visiting my scheduling center. 

And please, as always, let everyone see the unique, compassionate person you are!

Check out the video I made on this subject:

Now let me know how this works for you… Let’s set up a time to talk one-on-one. Just head over to my scheduling system. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!