I know I have struggled with this idea as a major source of anger and depression in my career. I would get so angry when clients refused my treatment recommendations. I would struggle to find the words to convince them to do what I thought was the best option. I would relive conversations at night, looking for what words I could have said to change the outcome. I would review treatment plans of patients that died, trying to find a mistake. I would berate myself for not being enough. Enough to get the patient to live, and enough to get the client to agree to a treatment plan.

But here’s the thing. I cannot control what other people do! Yes, I can see you nodding your head in agreement with that statement, but then turning around and getting angry when they don’t do what you wanted! I know, because I have done that very thing, often. Often.

You cannot control what choices clients make. You cannot control the outcome of a discussion. You are not God. You cannot make them do what you think is best.

You cannot attach your happiness, self worth or inner peace to what decisions a client makes or you will be frustrated and unhappy, a lot. What you can do is base your self worth on knowing that you collected and presented the information the best you could, given whatever constraints the client gave to you.

You need to find peace with your ability to educate the clients, lay out their options and let them decide what they want to do. Pressing them only creates an uncomfortable energy that will end up with unhappy clients feeling shamed into a decision. Clients saying that you are “only in it for the money” as their push back to feeling pressured.

This idea of giving up the attachment to an outcome also plays a large part in accepting a patient’s death. We are not God, and cannot control the outcome. Patients will die unexpectedly. Patients will die despite our implementing the correct treatment plan. We need to accept that their death, a vast majority of the time, is not because of us.

Letting go of attachments to an outcome. A difficult lesson for me at times. But adopting it as a core belief has allowed me to move through my days with much less anger and self recriminations.

If this idea resonates with you let me know. How have you given up the attachment to outcomes? Let’s chat at pamela@healthyselfdvm.com.