I had been the archetypal ‘Wounded Healer’ for many years.

As I look back, I am sure that it started with my experience shadowing a veterinarian in high school; where I learned that we eat on the run, work very long hours and get paid very little.  I honestly do not remember much of Veterinary school as I was living in a rather tiny, well controlled box (of my creating), that did not allow for much connection with my fellow students. Senior year clinicals were a trial to be withstood, but absolutely no fun.  I do remember several patients that made an impression on me. One was a Rottie pup with DCM that had a groundbreaking surgery performed on him, but who passed away just as he seemed to be healing; and a golden retriever who had a mass on her leg that “was” the leg.  I remember the clinician’s skeptical look as I couldn’t give her the dimensions of the tumor, I could only say that the tumor was her leg.

My first year of work was a real disaster that set me up for the next 15 years of suffering.  I knew that this clinic was not the right one for me, but I took the job to be close to my mother who was undergoing treatments for breast cancer (she is still alive and doing well!). This first job taught me a lot of what “I will never do”, but it also scarred me and ruined my confidence.   I left a few months before my contract was up, only to find another job that ended up beating me down in its own way. However, I did meet some incredible people there, did some amazing, successful surgeries (with the surgery book open next to me), and bought my first house! But I also experienced debilitating migraines, most likely because of my belief that I had to endure the hardships of the profession.

Jump forward to 2009 or so, and I stood in a different office, but with a huge choice to be made.  By that time I was living the outward life of a successful, happy person, but inside I was miserable.  I knew I was hanging on by my fingernails, desperately unhappy, exhausted and overwhelmed with the demands my profession was putting on me.  I went to work every day because of the commitment I had to my patients, but I was absolutely beaten down. I didn’t have any skills to deal with the demands of the job or the emotional toll it can take.  I was the Wounded Healer – existing to heal my patients, but not myself.

I decided that I wanted  to be more than that. I wanted to identify as a Person, not just as a Veterinarian.  As deeply as I felt called to sacrifice myself for my profession, deep down I knew it wasn’t who I really was.  I was a person desiring and deserving of all the things people not in my profession had – time with family, vacations, hobbies, sleep and the ability to be more than a healer of animals – I could heal myself.

Once I admitted that I was miserable (even though I felt noble in that misery), I made different choices about what thoughts I held close to me and which ones I chose to let go.  I held close the thought that I deserve to be adequately compensated with money and time-off, that I could have meaningful relationships in my life, that I could be a great veterinarian and a great romantic partner.  The choice was clear but not easy.

Breaking out of the myth that is the ‘suffering veterinarian’ was not easy for me.  We grow up with the stories of sacrifice and scarcity. The public puts demands on us that are unfair and unsustainable.  Our colleagues inadvertently add to our misery by asking us to squeeze in just one more patient into our day (and I am guilty of that as well and am recommitting to being respectful of your schedule).  But if you know that life could be better for you. If you want to be the best veterinary medical health care worker, AND the best YOU you can be… know that it IS possible. You have the knowledge and strength to create the life that you want.  Play full out at work, but also be able to play full out at home!

If this sounds like a path you are ready to tread, please set up a call with me or send me an email so that together, we can learn to be happy, prosperous and fulfilled.